AN OPEN LETTER TO DAVID MOYES

Posted: December 9, 2013 in Uncategorized

“Dear Moyes,

With all due respect to the fact that you were hand picked by Fergie, I would like to categorically air my displeasure on how you keep working hard to ruin a dynasty that took long to build. Firstly, with regards the Everton Game, it was no secret that Fellaini, Giggs and Wellbeck were not helping us in any way.. Sad that poor Kagawa and Rafael had to be victims of that small team mentality that is proving so hard to remove from your head and oh my!! you just had to slot Chicharito in right at the end so that he could also walk the walk of shame. In case you missed the memo, you are a Manchehester United coach now and at Manchester united we don’t play just to win a couple of games but rather to win the league.
FROM A SOCIAL PERSPECTIVE Do you have any idea just hard you have made it for us (MAN UTD FANS) to put on a MAN UTD jersey?? do you know just how much we avoid social media in fear of scorn and demeanour? Im sure you heard, while at Everton, that we always talk highly of our team but so far you are not giving us the platform to exercise this right.

FROM AN ECONOMIC PERSPECTIVE Think of our loyal ‘Gambler’ fans who are now losing out a lot on their bets, just how much more property do you want them to gamble away. Look at how much revenues the Bars and Pubs are now missing out on because most of us now watch football behind closed doors. ‘ I’m sure you know our fans drink a lot.

FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE Our sin book is now overwhelmed because we are cursing a lot more nowadays, we are smiling less and instead letting out all the pressure on our innocent wives, children and people who love us way much more than you love us.

FROM A MEDICAL PERSPECTIVES just how are we going to account for the involuntary insomnia you bestow upon us week in week out, most our once healthy Man UTD comrades are now prey to hypertension and emotional stress. plus you know most medical personnel are Man UTD fans so you can only imagine how patients that walk in with Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool, Mancity, Newcastle and Everton T-shirts are being treated (especially in the theatre) I refuse to believe we are a small team because we came a long way chewing bubble gum and bagging them Trophies. we refuse to use both hands in counting the difference in points between ourselves and the log leaders. we refuse to watch worthy players rot on bench as you experiment with Fouls(fellaini), Turn overs (Giggs) and failed attempts(wellbeck) I wish you well as you evidently begin to fight for your stay at old Trafford and I also advise that you try chewing gum aswell, trust me it will make you cooler.

Your in grief and sorrow, Passionate MAN UNITED fan.”

Loss of sexual desire…..

Posted: October 15, 2011 in sex

Loss of libido can have a variety of causes – some psychological, some not. One of the leading causes of lost sexual desire is stress and fatigue. In this case the condition is temporary and desire returns when the stressful period ends, or when you’re able to get enough rest.

Anxiety

Sex can arouse a lot of anxiety in people who are unsure of themselves or fear humiliation. For someone who has never had sex – or has had a bad experience with sex – the anxiety level can be overwhelming. People may fear that they will not be able to become aroused or excited, and fail their partner. Alternatively, they may fear the consequences of sexual activity (pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections). Fear of sex – or even intimacy – is not uncommon, and most people experience it at some time in their lives.

Estrangement from partner

Someone who feels hurt by, or angry with, their partner may express their emotions through a lack of sexual desire. Women, particularly, find it difficult to have sex when their feelings have been hurt or they feel “unsafe” in the relationship. Negative feelings toward your partner may be incompatible with the prospect of sexual intimacy, which decreases your level of arousal.

Misdirected sexual desire

This phenomenon often occurs in the case of “closeted” gay men and women. While actual sexual desire may be high with members of their appropriate sexual orientation, many people ashamed or insecure about their sexuality will still force themselves to desire the wrong sex. Often “closeted” individuals marry and have children while still suffering from lack of sexual desire for their spouses. Others may be disturbed by their fantasies or fetishes and may try to ignore them by repressing their sexual desire.

Physiological causes

Not all the causes of low sexual desire are psychological in nature – in older men, it can be caused by a low level of the hormone androgen. Women may experience “interruptions” in sexual desire through different stages in their lives. Hormonal deficiency can sometimes be treated with hormone injections. Anything that adversely affects your metabolism will undoubtedly cause some lack of sexual desire. This may include an accident, trauma or illness. Depression, and the medication used to treat it, may adversely affect libido, as will anything that causes pain. You should speak to your doctor if you have problems created by medication, or if sex has become painful in any way.

I really want to want sex…

A short period of loss of desire may correct itself. Reducing stress or anxiety will help, too. If it is caused by problems with your partner, physical wellbeing or fears, see your doctor, a counsellor or even a sex therapist. Work out your fears or expectations. If you have a loving partner, talk to her or him and spend time together finding things that you enjoy, that are exciting or that make you feel closer to each other. Wanting to want you partner is a good start.

 

Source: Healthinsite.net

 

Numero 5

Posted: July 5, 2011 in Uncategorized

How much has happened in so little time!
All our wonder withers in the wind.
Praised be love, that turns our days to rhyme,
Psalter to what else had merely been.
Years of love become a dance for two,
Fraught with grace, sustained by skill and art;
In time with time, though quite beyond time through
Forsaking all that would estrange the heart.
Time disappears, for love’s an ancient song
Heard forever by the ever young.

 

 
Poem by 

Jimmy Tales

Posted: June 9, 2011 in Jimmy, Random

By now my readers, you know Jimmy has a screw (or 50) loose in his resemblance of kiongoz.

As usual we are at our locals and our throats are having an orgasmic experience as can best be administered by a cold tusker….. *nostalgic*

Jimmy Blunts “you know people assume that guys with big tongues give the best ‘heads'”

Immediately I knew a juicy story will follow soon – I excuse myself to get  a refill (hapa ni self service, nunua kwa counter, kunywa wherever, popote unapotaka)

When I get back I ask “So who or should I say which lady made this assumption?”

He laughs and continues. “Actually its not a lady, Its Marto – our mutual buddy”

Am lost.

He narrates. Apparently Marto had flown out of the country and had requested Jimmy to drop him at the Airport using his car (Martos). After this task and since it was a Friday, Jimmy decided to pass by Nairobi West to help Uhuru finance his over inflated Budget through EABL.

After one too many, Jimmy decides to head home. With help of ‘askaris’ he locates Marto’s Car.

Now Jimmy is a good driver, during the day & while sober. Marto assumption was he can still drive while inebriated. This is what he (Jimmy) was referring to with his ‘big tongue analogy’.

Am disappointed.

So what did he do?

He gets in into the car and before he blackouts, he calls and engages services of a ‘break-down’ who tow him home.

He arrived safely.

Business idea

Posted: February 3, 2011 in Random, ulevi

I saw this business proposal which actually made a lot of sense especially in these mututho days.

Since I cannot stop drinking it’s a good idea to start a bar at home. I’ll will give my wife Kshs 2,160/- to kick start the business. This will get her one crate of Tusker (@90 x 24) which she can sell to me at 160 making a profit Kshs 1680 which she should put in the bank while re-investing the original capital.

Now am known to consumer roughly 2 crates/week hence she will have Kshs 3360/- weekly (or approx Kshs 13,440 monthly or Kshs 161, 280/- yearly) in profits.

If I live for 10 years (and my liver probably bails out on me) she will have Kshs 1,612,800/-  plus interest which is enough to give me a decent burial and bring up the kids (if any) and may be clear the mortgage and use the remainder as her contribution on her wedding to a decent man.

Now how to convince her…. Hmmmm   

Jimmy New Year Resolution

Posted: January 3, 2011 in Jimmy, wierd

Happy New Year folks. Hope you all the best

Its been awhile – was passing by and decided to dust up this place, remove cobwebs and maybe share a few of Jimmy escapades……

You know Jimmy, right? If you don’t I suggest you take a tour here… maybe there…. to acquit yourself with this crazy dude.

Sometime last year, Jimmy and I were sharing our favourite frothy drink from Ruaraka at the right temperature…. and at recommended retail price…. yes, we gotta save a shilling whenever possible.

Characteristic of Jimmy, out of the blue he declares to me his New Year resolution is to get married, ASAP. I laugh, thinking it’s one of his jokes but the look on his face suggested otherwise.

So i prod, and ask why he wants to get married.

He takes a long swallow, finishes his beer and asks me to get him another, I obliged haraka upesi.

When i come back, he seemed ready to talk.

He starts “I was taking a shower the other day, abit hangovered, when I noticed a small tiny blackish ‘lump’ on my wiener”  He pauses “Its a very scary thing Xs, i let out a shrilly scream that could only be rivaled my Mariah Carey, so many thoughts crossed my head as fast as it could process them. I was very sure my sleeping around had finally caught up with me and i was going to lose my dong! I stood there for a full 5 minutes, holding my member, wondering which hospital I’ll visit where I won’t encounter anyone i know amongst the staff”

I felt i needed to say something but before i could, he continues

“anyhoo, soon I calmed down and started examining the ‘lump’ more closely and this when I realized I needed to get married”

I tell him am lost.

He laughs and continues “you see what I actually thought was a lump was actually a tick yaani kupe which has made the head of my driller its temporary abode.”

Am now huko kwa floor laughing my ass off

So this his reason No 1 to get married, Since he figures If he was married or atleast has a steady girl, she would have noticed this sucker was perched up there. How did it get there? He had visited Shags that week and he reckons that’s where he picked it.

Reason no 2.

He has been drinking in some dingy pub huko Ngara, after he had gotten ‘tank full’ warning, he start walking to the bus stop (he’s daring like that). Now Ngara is an interesting place to walk at night, the place is crawling with langas and because he hadn’t had some ‘loving’ for awhile, he approached one. They haggle, negotiate on the price and finally agree on 30 bob.

*my ribs are still aching*

She takes him to a nearby ‘hostel’ where the business is to be conducted & concluded. Jimmy wears a raincoat and start riding the storm. He claims he rode it for a full 11 minutes and he actually enjoyed it. Drained he pulls out his sledge hammer (his words not mine) and as he was about to remove the sheath aka Kondiero he almost fainted.

Atop the plastic were specks of Skums and other veggies……. He screamed at her and asking WTF that stuff was. Nonchalantly she asked him, “what did you expect for 30 bob, huh? Nyama Choma or KenChick kuku?”

Apparently the Langa had led him to the dirt road…..   He had sobered up so went back to drink willing himself to black out & block the memories of that night forever.

I agree with him – he needs to get married.

To be continued……

 

Am sure this is odd coming from a dude, i must confess am no expect on the subject matter but I am lucky to have personal experiences on a regular basis!

Disclaimer: this is not my original work

Women can be a little fickle – It’s their prerogative. And while there are no hard-and-fast rules to women, there are certain things that you should know (that many of us keep getting wrong!) about women.

Below are a few little secrets. Of course, these won’t necessarily mean your relationship will be confusion-free. You’ll may still bungle it up now and then – but at least you’ll have some items to cross off your list of “what women want”.

So, if you’re male, take note:

  • Sometimes, a backrub is just a backrub
  • Chocolate works in most emotional situations
  • “Fine” is never a good answer in response to “How do I look?”
  • The answer to “Do I look fat in this?” is always “No, of course not!” Feel free to toss in “Have you lost a little weight?”
  • We remember everything
  • Don’t talk about your ex. Ever.
  • Groping and foreplay is not the same thing
  • With regard to the above, more is better. (Foreplay, not groping!)
  • Vacuuming the house or doing the dishes will get you further than flowers
  • While we’re on the subject, a vacuum cleaner is not a birthday present (in general, this applies to other appliances too)
  • “Now” means “now”. Not “later”, “any time soon”, or “whenever you feel like it”
  • Never ask whether she’s in a bad mood because of PMS
  • No matter how cool she seems, if you’ve done something wrong, she is mad at you
  • If you don’t know why she is mad, work it out. Don’t ask. It will only make her madder that you don’t know.
  • She is going to ask how you feel
  • She needs to hear how you feel about her. So tell her. And then remind her again in ten minutes.
  • She expects you to notice things like hair cuts
  • You don’t own the remote, even if you paid for it
  • She wants to be best thing that’s ever happened to you. And she wants you to know it.
  • She’s afraid to meet your mother. Also, don’t ever compare her to your mother.
  • She doesn’t like being told how to do things, even if she asks
  • Her job is just as important as yours
  • She is less excited about receiving lingerie than you are about giving it

There you have it.

Just remember: Despite spending years trying to understand women, reading up on their psychological make-up and occasionally watching Oprah for some insight, They will still be a mystery!

It’s part of why we love THEM.

[Source: healthinsiteonline.net]