Life & times of Jimmy – season 1

Let me introduce Jimmy aka Jim aka James. He has decided to share his toi life story with us (through me ofcourse). I’ll try to write it in entirety (while adding some spices, chumvi, roiko here and there for measure).

I grew up with Jimmy – actually you will be forgiven for thinking we are identical twins.

As a young kihii Jimmy hated school and had irrational fear of chicken, i.e live ones. He also did wet bed…… yes, he wants us to ignore this fact.

His hate for school started on the third term of his nursery school. Third term because first and second terms were so so nice - they used to go to school during afternoon session, didn’t have to carry books or nothing and spent alot of time in the mud. This was paradise! For writing (when required to) they would just scribble on the floor using either sticks or fingers. The school didn’t see the importance of wasting good government exercise books on these young brats.

Their teacher, he tells me, liked clay - a week didn’t go by before they were instructed that on there way to school in the afternoon they should pass by a nearby river and carry some mud/clay/whatever. This was done delightfully. By the time Jimmy  got home in the evening it was usually difficult to differentiate between a piglet and him. Yaani he could have given OMO adverts some serious compe - Dirt was reaaaaaaaly his friend!

Jim told me he came to learn later that they attended school in the afternoon because there weren’t enough classrooms in the school. This meant the older class 1 goers used the room in the morning & they used it in the afternoon.

Third term and the school negotiated with a nearby church for them to use the facilities during the week as a nursery school. This is when things changed. Jimmy had to start going to school in the morning (waking up was a challenge) and if that was not enough they had to start writing on books because the church was cemented….. and somehow the ‘pottery’ sessions were out of question… didn’t want to dirty the church!

Jimmy had issues with all these. He let it be known that he didn’t want to go to school anymore but no one minded him. He crafted an igneous plan on how to cut school. Every morning he would leave home for school but never got there. He had found a hiding place under a thicket near home where his days were now occupied with digging out squirrels -for what reason, I myself cant comprehend even after he has explained to me a million times!. Somehow he never got bored with this.

Sadly, his hiding place was discovered (all squirrels had changed base by the time anyway) after one day the teacher queried his aunt of his whereabouts since he hadn’t attended school for two weeks. She was shocked because according to her & his  grand Ma, he always left for school in the morning and came back in the afternoon filthy to the core as usual. They decided to discreetly follow him the following morning to see where he disappeared to. By now the little bugger never bothered to check if the coast was clear before entering his ‘class’! Shock on his diabz!!!! He learnt too late – as he was strategising on what task to partake for the day- that his hideout has been discovered.

Needless to say when he got to school, he couldn’t sit as his diabz were on fire – literally!!

Commercial break. 

I reserve my comments on this song! I like it though

Moving on

Jimmy fear of chicken (Alektorophobia) started when one day his two year old cousin got badly injured by one brooding hen. She had innocently tried to get hold of one of the chicks and the mother hen wasn’t amused. The hen started chasing her and as she tried to run, she tripped and fell and her ka tiny dress rode up leaving her bare back exposed. By the time the hen was shoo shooooed away,  it had already bored a hole on her back!!! For a couple of years after that incident you would never see Jimmy anywhere near a chicken, and any cluck cluck his direction would be met by dust as he became a dot in the horizon (Archer 2007).

He later overcame the fear and went on to become the dispatcher of many hapless chicken to their maker! All sort of crude methods were used. I wont go into the gory details.

To be continued……