Lucky Tonite?

Posted: October 2, 2007 in Random, sex

SEX

Anything can trigger it.

It could be a woman wearing a floral summer/evening dress with matching sharp heels, a co worker showing a little bit of cleavage, as she tucks the stray strand of hair behind her ear you cant help but fantasise how that mane would make a beautiful decoration on your pillow, a female blogger who writes erotic articles, a woman with a sweet scent that makes you stand to attention or a picture of a model in the centre fold of your favourite magazine or just the tea girl as she fills your mug……

Yeah. Now you want it. You gotta have some, you need to hook up with some strokes, you need to get laid, and today you don’t wanna play with Pamela and her five friends, no acts of self loving…..

But Alas, sex is not like ordering a Chinese take out or a pizza – Riiiiing Riiiing, hallo, Debonair how can I help you, Yes I’ll like to order Regina or Mexican fiesta large pizza with creamy cheese sauce between two large bases, dressed with sliced tomatoes, cheddar cheese, crumbled feta, a hint of garlic and herbs – and then you sit back awaiting your delivery……maaaaaaaaan you can feel the craving, you start drooling, and you want to leave BT tonight, heck you want to leave it now!

But being a male child, there are too many factors working against you to ensure you don’t leave the said train. Example, to name a few in an endless list….. The woman’s desires, mood swings, the old ‘I have a headache’ excuse, PMS, bad-hair-day, commitment issues or just plain lack of urgency……you are stuck!

So I pose a question to all the female readers, what is the sure way of guaranteed sex? Help some brothers out! How do we get a ticket to heaven unguarded by St. Peter?

Give us some hints and suggestion that will ensure we are bed-bound – may be not in the next 15 minutes but surely before midnight!   

PS

Am back on the famous train – Shamza hebu move from my seat!

eatrain.jpg

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Comments
  1. Muthii Fulani says:

    welcome back bruh! let me sit and wait for the answers mazee…got to get off this train! 😀

    Thanx – hebu songea me tu catch up! who else left thi train, yadi yada…? LOL

  2. Muthii Fulani says:

    oh and me, i know about blogging..tihii…si i am first? heheheh!!

  3. Kafai says:

    I am no Sex Guruess here, but just my two bits. Use words to excite her. Put her in the same frame of mind you are in. And calling to say ‘can you come over, i am horny’ or words to that effect rarely work! Unless she is already in that frame of mind.

    Ati sex guruess? LOL. the main issue is how to get her into that frame of mind!

  4. Bomseh says:

    Kafai be more specific. Say the exact words.

    Like Muthii fulani, I’m eagerly awaiting for the answers. Gotta get off sometime.

    Yes, she should be more specific – you need it bru

  5. Is that you sitting over yonder in red and pink…
    I truly love, enjoy having sex on a constant when I’m dating/in a relationship and oft wonder why the old headache excuse is used…that said if you leave a lasting impression the first time around, she’s certain to come back.
    Tis a two way street, give and take symbiosis kinda thing. DO NOT gooble down my breasts or suck on my lips like you don’t have any sense. Talk to me, dance with me, lets laugh together, oh yeah and a massage is almost a sure starter. Exert the right attention and pressure and all else could be history….
    KISSING is of EXTREME importance…OMG don’t get me started. BUT, for me, a kiss will tell whether our union will end up in ‘I had fun at dinner, let’s catch up another day’ OR ‘come hither.’
    Ok I’m done

    We need more like Q here! Yaaay finally some workable advise… now guys take note!

  6. Gishungwa says:

    Guaranteed sex? pole about the train. For women sex is emotional they must be drawn to you. Quint said it well.

    Lets say she’s drawn to you but hakuna any! Maisha ngumu ii kweli

  7. pilato says:

    Kafai: I tried words but my she was too deaf to hear..I tried bringing her into my mind frame but her brain cells were not stimulated enough..I tried kamuti and she came back for the manenos even when she was raining heavily…

    Ahem – which Kamuti are we talking here – Pilato’s ama…?LOL

  8. archer says:

    Wekeni panadol kando ya kitanda! Good thing that I always carry my super strength painkillers everywhere I go. Anyway, wacha I sit back and be educated by the ladies.

    ook dude panadol? kwani what do you normally do to require some painkillers? Friction? clarify! LOL

  9. Kafai says:

    Kip you are mad.

    Kip? Where is he?

    Flirt, steer the conversation towards sex, (though on my part, intelligent conversation on its own can be a great turn on), and yes a touch here and a GOOD kiss might just land you the goodies. Like Q said, perfect that kissing skill.

    You are getting warm…..

    Bomseh, there are no exact words, go with the moment or it will look contrived.

    huh?

  10. Kirima says:

    The one who answers that question should be given the nobel peace prize for solving 90% of all relationship problems on earth. That said I will also sit back and wait for enlightenement!

    So far Q & kafai have tried lakini i feel we should be enlightened further…notebook is out right? LOL

  11. Milo says:

    Paying for it always works LOOOOOOOL!!!

    Why pay for it when you can get it for free? Albeit contorted with excess drama!

  12. threetypesofcrazy says:

    What happened to ” ask and yea shall receive”. How about aking for the said sex and when she says no, sii you walk off. NO, SHE IS NOT PLAYING HARD TO GET.She is NOT playing. walk.

    If she says yes, then you know that method works.

    3ToC, we know that – but we want the answer to always be a NOD – yeah baby – lets get it ON…..LOL

  13. archer says:

    aish Milo?!

    Actually am thinking he’s right -we pay for it one way or the other! ****Ducking slippers aimed my direction from one Ms Xs….

  14. kip says:

    ok kafai… my ass was so far away from this thread.. and the next thing naona you are adressing my makendes @ response NO.7! haiya…. it wasnt me,

    Kip & Kafai sitting under a tree, K.I.S.S…. jijazieni. LOL

    about the zzeexxxx all I know is The SEXperience with my EX made the SEX Spectacular…!

    I wont ask for clarification..!

  15. Kafai says:

    pole pilato, my mind tends to wander like that……esp when sex is involved. And Kip, I wish it was you but definately it wasn’t 🙂

    Your mind tend to wander when sex is involved? Now this here is an idea for my next post..LOL

  16. kip says:

    izz aiit…… next time shuga maisha..lol.. pilato might not be so happy with such a confusion of manenos………

    I thought you be happy with the confusion? Pilato ajipange ala? LOOOOL

  17. archer says:

    I carry my painkillers around coz of migraines which can strike at any time bila notice. Kwanza sio Panadol, these ones are super strength painkillers.

    Aaaaah OK. Si pass some of them to Modo? LOL

  18. Mocha! says:

    Peni zangu mbili!!!

    Quint is right about one thing…..KISSING!!! I even possed a question on my blog and majority agreed that it is important.

    Here I shall speak from recent events!!!

    A massage with communication…..verbal or/and non verbal. Verbal…..’how does that feel?’ etc. Non- verbal…….gentle touching especially between the thighs, tact is of importance here.

    Foreplay……just dont whip out Mr Jonny and expect the ‘Mrs’ to be waiting. Prepare her first. KISSING, caressing, moaning when she touches you right, communication…..and most importantly PROTECTION. We all know how, esp. you jamaas are tunnel vision when you are at attention.

    Conversation after the deed will guarantee you more rounds and ‘breakfast’.

    Well put! guys take note! and Mocha the advise was not for me even though i’ll keep it in the mind. thanx

  19. super says:

    To get sex all you need is thigh hopes and a little high hops.

    LOL! Thigh hopes? clarify

  20. bomseh says:

    Yaani Moccha ndio ametumalizia but still, the road to getting where you are talking about thighs. As in boy has seen girl, what next? Go feel gently between the thighs?

    Bomseh, you are helpless!!! In here the scenario is that the said is woman is there and the issue was how to get a plane-ticket to land of NODS….catch the drift?

  21. Wanja says:

    Sex…..mmmhhh just to let you into a little secret women also go through the same….Nice scent..imagining it on you, nice body…hugging you, clean hands..caressing you, well kept nails…sucking on them, full lips…kissing you all over…….

    Intrigue and Cockiness will work for me anytime, men who are sure of themselves are always a turn on….

    Guys you hear that? haya basi

    Wee what do you mean you are on the Bilaz train again…and there i was happy my 1st borns were all at a happy place getting some action, Get her back Haraka!!!!

    I had to let her go (reluctactly) so this first born is back to reading blogs at wee hours of the morning…alone, pekee yake, by himself ….LOL

  22. gal africana says:

    Have to agree with Wanja. A man with lots of confidence, the right amount of cockiness and just a hint of arrogance, good scent, is a turn on…..mmmmm delish!
    As for tips: Pay attention to the missus and be interested but without making it obvious that she’s u’r ticket off the train. Get her talking abt sth she’s passionate about and when she’s all warmed up find a way to make subtle hints about ur skills in or out of bed (key word subtle!)….just when her interest in u is piqued give her some space, like if at a party, then come back to her just when she’s wondering whether you’ve lost interest……..Intrigue!

    And if all else fails:
    http://becomeaplayer.com/articles/takethingssexual.htm

    Ok…I’ll burn in hell for this!!!!

    After following that link i dont think anyman will have any excuse of not getting off BT soonest! And Bomseh doesnt count. LOL

    PS: Werrokam to my digs & dont worry hell tuko wengi!

  23. Klara says:

    Manenos are hot in here…..
    Kissing & Body scent does 4 me, it actually determines if am gonna be going all da way ama not..
    Train tuko wengi dont worry….

    An hypothesis for you. You are not in the mood kabisa and your manno comes and starts kissing u & mind u he smells nice…. wewe unaangusha vitu pwaaaaa? Mmmmmmmmmm LOOOOOOOL

  24. bomseh says:

    I think I should just resign to the fact that I am a Simba Mapengo and will remain so until it is offered to me on a silver platter or otherwise.

    Woiyee pole simba mapengo! Can i start a campaign for you?

  25. Klara says:

    LOOOL! Hell No…
    If am in no moods kabisa then there wont be deep kissing….
    But still great Kissing can get me in da mood anytime, anywhere…
    LOOL

    Ahem! Anytime? ANYWHERE? point taken

  26. kipusa says:

    For me its the scent and how charming you are and more if you notice things about me that ive never told you about….ohhh and if you are good in massage……..

    Good massage after a long day at work hey? Guys mmechukua hio point?

  27. Klara says:

    LOL
    We acha siasa mingi..Which point???

    That a good kiss can weka you in the right mood anytime, anywhere! LOOOL

  28. pilato says:

    Bomseh, unless you are ready to become a super wankster all your life, go kamutii..Just a dose of kamuti and your target will drop that thong like its hot.

    Weeeewe mkamba, how do you propose he gets that ‘kamuti’? Ama you are a supplier? LOL

  29. Klara says:

    LOOL
    Yeah..But not literally anywhere…

    Haya mmesikia guys (the ones who had already started plotting vile they show up huko parklands…karibu na K1)LOL

  30. pilato says:

    ps:@ Bomseh, And if your Kamuti backfires, go milo’s way, Nunua hizo mizingo.

    Good point pilato! Bomseh – the acts of self loving are detrimental to your health! LLOOOOOOOOL

  31. kip says:

    btw I have made copies of mocha’s advice and also wanjakihii comments…now this weekend i Will put them in action….

    i particulaly like the vybe of kissing all over……

    Ongeza the link from gal africana!!

  32. kip says:

    ////……Get her talking abt sth she’s passionate about and when she’s all warmed up find a way to make subtle hints about ur skills in or out of bed (key word subtle….////

    exess
    in the process of furiously taking notes.. i missed the advice of one musichana wa africana ! but now I Have made print outs.. and summaries….

  33. Shamza says:

    Lol, Karibu sana! But yours is ‘cheating’ the BT…. Ashana maogo!

  34. 3N says:

    interesting discussion and Milo is right we do pay for it one way or the other.

    @3toc – if men were to walk away after each ‘No’ the world would have ended right at the Garden of Eden. Eve must have said no at one time or the other

    anyway, I like what Q, gal african and Wanja recommend.

  35. prou says:

    1. Be playful humor really helps do not look like you are dying to jump them bones.

    2. Talk and talk some more, the topic does not matter apparently the males have their communication shut down when they want some action in the next so many minutes or hours

    3. Clean hands, smelling nice (relative that one)

    4. Kissing is of supreme importance and touch.

    Am not sure am making any sense but you wanted pointers not diagrams no?

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