Little Johnny aka the fuse

Posted: October 6, 2007 in Random

Every man is always concerned about how many inches they have packed huko kwa boxers. Its not suprising then for a good number of men to harbour a feeling that they may be below average.

But what brings on the fear??

I can think of few reasons;

How many magazine do you see around carrying huge erect bolingos in the centre fold (full) pages? We see boobs everywhere and a woman can easily compare her jugs and say yenyewe hizi zangu ni Cup Size A (Almost boobs), B (Barely Boobs), C (Cant complain), D (Dang), DD (Double Dang), E (Excess), F (Fake),…. etc But for a man, what do you use? Ama do you go peeping at other Johnny’s while using the urinal? They are flaccid anyway so it wont help much and only few guys will take it kindly you staring at their shrivelled soft copies!

Second reason is Porno movies. The guys in these movies yenyewe are blessed. But dont you think if they were not that well equiped they would not have gotten these jobs??

Third, pressure from our women. Ask any woman and they will tell you they want someone endowed well pare pare. Its 9 inches kwa boxer ama dont even bother. Salt N Pepa even did a song about it – Dont wanna a short dick man…!. So what do you do with your 5 or barely 6 inches maneno?

And yes i know, size doesnt matter! or Does it?

One mistake we make is we believe bigger is better. Do you think a woman will be thrilled with you banging her cervix? how comfotable is it? Not to mention the stretch marks you might be creating  around her maneno (and also her mouth)…..yaani she becomes ‘baggy’ and you start complaining anakula alot of cabbage….eish!

 So guys i believe when it comes to little Johnny, the look, texture and hygiene is really what matters.


Average size is 5.5 inches. Above that it’s a bonus; below that use a finger instead! LMAO


Dr Xs classes on maneno ya pare pare zimekwisha and we shall now resume normal boring posts soon.


  1. Muthii Fulani says:

    dude..please do not stop…we need more education…welll…

    You dont think we have had a tad too excess S in here????

  2. Kirima says:

    LOL that is quite a lesson mwalimu but I think it is the usees of the equipement who should be passing judgement not other vendors so I offer no opinion
    Kuna exam mwalimu?

    Exam cuming up…! LOOOOOL

  3. archer says:

    Size doesn’t always matter, why have 9 inches when only 5 or 6 of them can ingia pare pare? Si hio ni wastage? Guys with humongous artillery don’t necessarily make the best lovers.

    Where are the ladies on this one?

    Ati wastage? Dude!!!! ROTFLMAO i agree though, humongous is out of fashion

  4. boyfulan¿ says:

    haha ebu click that link and see the effects of big johnie? hehe

  5. sultrynutter says:

    once again u are funny! 🙂

    Still blushing….thanx.

    I am so touched by the fact that u “care”about my stretch marks.
    and this porno guy thing.. its called zooming in! camera tricks! but ur ka pal in bed over has clearly been denied Viagra/Cialis.

    LMAO – Ati Zooming IN camera! U killed me!

    Women dont expect u to be big … Just dont be small, when u are need -U can be a mr chipolata and end out to be a Hot dog .
    eish kwani MR Johnny can have different textures… tafadhali fafanua?!

    Aaaaaiiiii you dont what one that looks like Mt Everest after some volcanic activity, do you?

  6. Kelitu says:

    Ati average is 5.5?!
    That’s it from now on i’m doing it with the lights on!!! I may have been hoodwinked on several ocassions.

    hoodwinked huh??? Put on the lights! LMAO.

    Karibu sana here my digs

  7. 3N says:

    LMAO, what to say….kwanza don’t stop the lessons.

    Eeeeh students need to graduate…Ala?

    thank God for the bonus. but i agree with Archer and Xs what you do with your tool is what you will be judged on

    I third that one

    can’t wait to see kbw misses respond to this one

    They are missing in action!

  8. three types of crazy says:

    Our Father who art in Heaven, please leace Heaven just for two minutes because this right here ,even you will not believe when the angels report back. Dear God, I know you are busy but please God this is DEFINETELY an emergency.

    God don’t send the 12 apostles, nor the the archangels…….Dear God, only you.


    ps. you know how Kirima never errors in his writing (dude you don’t) until today.Yaani he has written like me leo…..”ENGRISH” imekata!!!!

    Ooook. Kirima must have been high on sumsing leo…… Alafu why were we praying up there?? kuuliza tu

  9. Shamza says:

    Ms Xs should go back to Gabs like yesterday coz Xs amezidi?? Amezidiwah!!

    It took you this long to figure out that kumezidi in here? LOL

    Lakini Jimmy dadii, texture……Aaai! Kwani some are like kigwaru (the stones we use in shagz to scrub our kwatoz?) lol! That gives ‘studded’ CDs a whole different meaning altogether….

    Believe you me – you would think twice before you ‘blow’ it.

    PS: Maaami hebu update….

  10. super says:

    This “joke” is live from da club..

    Johnny has a small head too!


    Of dudes who discover eating “brain” too late: “hata johnny anakuragwa (eaten)?”


    He is a deeply spiritual — but not a strictly religious — man who believes in the power of the (small) mind.

    Hebu speak Engrish..! aaaiiii yawa

  11. Kirima says:

    @3toc so you have noticed that!LOL
    in my defence I was typing on the phone in a moving car (and NO I was not driving in case you ask!)

  12. kip says:

    I See the spirit of sex never left the building!

  13. Klara says:

    LOL @ Super ati johnny anakuragwa

  14. An A-cup Wanja grinning says:

    I believe it is the skill, not the size that matters. There are some gifted brothers who dont know shit!
    Speaking of texture, can one “veet” a penis?

  15. archer says:

    Wanja, are you nuts? Ati “veet” a penis? Jaribu uone! Kwani there are guys with rough dicks?

  16. Mocha! says:

    AAAAIIIII…now this is in a whole new level.

    Reminds me of a progi I was watching, My Penis and Everyone Else’s…click link below

    ….dude went round asking jamaas about their johnnies and it made and interesting watch, coz I was with Mr Mocha and we had a debate about it. Is it really the case that men don’t like talking about their members with other men, let alone women?

    As for the size of johnny…..big is definately not fun!!! Below the average is definately a joke.

    As for texture….now this one is new to me coz I only know of the studded durex to enhance this. Otherwise, I think someone has an STD/STi.

  17. prou says:

    Size does not matter AT ALL, the skill does very much. A little confidence in whatever size you have goes along way too… unless it is the equivalent of a bic per without the top then we shall go on our knees and pray for you.

  18. modoathii says:

    (nyuma ya darasa taking sex education classes)

    mambo ni diploma (read skills) you have not the pencil you used…

    ati zoom, mandingo hakua zoomed…

  19. pilato says:

    Eish! let me think about this swala nyeti…will be back with jibu kamili

  20. pilato says:

    Size ain’t nothing, the game is everything…What matters is how you use that mheshimiwa

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