Tuchane…au tunachanwa?

Posted: October 16, 2007 in research

Miraa, mbachu, veve, kangeta, gomba (Modo, insert more here). 

This is one plant, grown huko parts of nyambene in Meru, which albeit is one of the biggest cash crop known in Kenya. Many people have lost their limbs, families and even life because of this habit-forming non-narcotic which causes central nervous symptoms similar to those caused by amphetamine. 

Research reveals that not only does it stains your teeth green, keep you awake the whole night, but even worse, it affects your sex life.I digress.

Many residents of Isiolo – where I grew up – who mainly are wariahes, Borantes, gulares, turkiies, Samburus and of course few nkang’a’s from Tigania & Muthara chew a lot of this stuff. Some of these guys are so communal that we used to say that they delibarately chewed miraa all night coz they can’t get a place/space to sleep in the house.

Seriously how does a family which consist of a set of grand parents, two married sons with 2 kids each, some cousins and few in-laws sleep in single room?? Kwani what sleeping style do they use? Yaani if you stood outside the door in the morning, you will use up all fingers on both hands (and toes) to count the numbers of occupants emerging from that single room. Shocking enough somehow they still reproduce. Kwani how do they do it? Through osmosis? Is there any privacy in these houses? Ama they have a timetable? Kids wamelala – now adults HUMP!!!!

Anyhoo back to issue at hand.

Medical experts say that miraa contains chemical substances that lead to impaired sperm production and can actually cause infertility in men. The twig cumulative effect on the seminal-fluid analysis profile causes relative reduction in volume, count, motility and normal morphology of sperm. The end result of all these defincies is a lowered libido and reproductive capacity.

Clinically, Miraa has been implicated in the so-called khat syndrome, whose symptoms include hypothermia, reduced appetite, depressed overall sexual potency and clinical spermatorrhoea (abnormal leakage of sperm) yaani it causes excessive production of sperms without corresponding libido which according to NACADA website may lead to men wearing sanitary pads or nappies.

There are several theories which have been used to explain the effects of miraa on the male reproductive system.  Chemical substances found in the twig cause hypothermia, or lower-than-normal body temperatures. Prolonged sitting in a doubled-up position and the hypothermia may henceforth have deleterious effects on normal spermatogenesis [sperm-production].

Other than hypothermia, miraa chewers, like other drug abusers, are also generally malnourished, partly because miraa causes constipation and gastritis, which make eating unattractive, but also because they generally divert money from buying food to buying the twig. The actions of these substances seem to be accentuated by coffee and tobacco, making men who chew miraa and drink coffee or smoke more prone to infertility.

Apparently Miraa has been known to be used an herbal medicine being used weight loss, depression and ulcers. If it works that another issue all together.

Archer, there you have it!


Kanda Bongo Man got nothing on me, heh?!


For real?

  1. modoathii says:

    handas, matawi, gokish, majani…ama mabarbie watasema, grass, curd…mogoks, which is a type, pia majani…

    sasa umeswitch to drug education…but noted that sex ed haikosi…

    kulikuwa na makanga mwingine hapo alikuwa anapenda gomba saaaaana, but he had no teeth..so mabeste would chew it for him wanampa anamumunya tu…hahahaha…

    Kuwanga serious! LOL

    LOL! now this dude of yours, ni material ilikuwa mob? si basi angevaa overall…na anauza jai!

    I was wondering the same, si basi andepuza tai pia?

  2. modoathii says:

    just like veve…EAT THAT!


  3. modoathii says:

    shamba, mairungi, markhan….


  4. betty says:

    lool aii Modo..soi you just peana a list of AKAs and types of..

    yess it is bad!! lol si that’s the moral of the storo?..and woiye that dude has excessively loong legs!!

    LOL, Long legs or short torso?

  5. pilato says:

    Ati leakage ya nini?…thank God am not miraaholic…I hate imagining myself ati stocking always pads incase the overflow calls impromptu..

    So you do chew miraa?? Tell us more

  6. Archer says:

    Just a question, now this Kanda-Bongo-consfued-fellow, akitaka kunyora, yee hufanyeje? Coz the guys who came up with trousers were some brilliant fellows if you think about it. The zip was wekwad pare pare for a reason.

    Off to read

    Still reading??

  7. Kirima says:

    Yaani nowadays you are the full daktari and mwalimu as well?
    I agree totally with those findings in these sides of mbeere there is a potent type of miraa called mogoka which makes people absolute zombies in the locals it is called ‘muta mushie’ or one who abandons the homestead i.e. Is not interested in activites south of the belt in fact things are so desparate in some of the villages that as soon as a non local miraa free jamaa is spotted he will be gang rapped by the sex starved maidens.
    So as a warning to all even if it is the top product from Meru keep off.

    Can give more details of that village? am sure some peeps wud not mind extending their services huko. LOOOL

  8. super says:

    hebu chora structures hizo ili tuzi-synthesize huko huko…

    (usisahau mekanizimu…)

    I misplaced my chemdraw software…LOL

  9. threetypesofcrazy says:

    XS are you well? Just asking.

    Am i never?

    Well said though. But are you well? Ama you need to go back for that medical? Imbecile!

    Ala Matusi tena?

    Alaafu, is it just that the man like short shirts? You know less buttons to do up.
    Do you think he keeps his wallet in his back pocket?

    LMAO – trust 3T0C to think of such details!!

  10. muthii fulani says:

    very well written xs. now as for that dude with the traos, aiii, and then three.types.of.crazy raises a valid point as regards storage of funds on his person, ama atatolea over the shoulder yaani?

    Good qtn

  11. Wanja says:

    You are always a wealth of information! (can i blame it on the weird hours you keep?)

    Question: If veve causes spermatogenesis, how come walaloos zaana like panyas?

    I have a theory on that….lemmi do more research 🙂

    LMAO on the kanda bongoman extreme wannabe

  12. Bomseh says:

    Why oh why did you have to put coffee in the same category with miraa? Damn!

    Achana na miraa (and coffee)!

  13. Zack says:

    Nice post. The Miraa vibe, am bilaz lakini the kanda bong man guy.Thats a winner…in his own league. And its not like ni drawing, it is a photo!

    And yes, he posed for a photo!
    Karibu huku kwa jimbo excess

  14. Gishungwa says:

    Keke! you know some of us were educated by this foreign exchange earner. True it has ruined many lives but has also sorted many. Problem: too much cash floating so that education takes a back seat no wonder we are are Tusker’s highest sales. For me everything in moderation.

    Yeah – there so many ‘milonaires’ in tigania who the only form of investing is buying a new Toyota Hilux every 3 months….

    Now what is my boyfi doing? i thought we agreed that pic was private. Off to sort him out….

    Care explain how you ‘will sort him out’? Before he removes that trouser, steam will have ishaaad! LOL

  15. Mocha! says:

    Miraa education….what next, how to wash down south without it looking like you are playing with yourself?

    Hmmmm ****thinking about it…. Why not? wanna do a collabo? LOL

    Now, this pic has chekeshad me……wouldn’t it be funny if the traoz were ‘don’t touch my shoes’ proper. LOL!!!

  16. Farmgal says:

    That picha!
    manenoz of miraa, I know nada…

  17. super says:

    he…heeeeee SHE IS DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS!!!! believe me Dr Xs!!! Very I mpressionable, witty and nice!!! Did I mention that she excellent assets in that area (i kept staring–prayers required–again!!). She is CLASS (yaani was dropped and picked in a chauffer-driven Merc)..tihihihihihi….. (nione kando for details).

    Dude, what r you ON about?? wacha nikimbie kando 2 see if the details are publishable

  18. kip says:

    LMOAO @ That picture

    HUYU LAZIMA NI MKAMBA!!! LOL ujua the way kambas always liked dealing with tires ama re-treads huko chini karibu na tea-room ..in CBD… Lol ….. ok my mama watoto should never hear me say this otherwise am banned from kitui matuu for ever!

    No colour is crashing/screaming so that rules MKAMBA out….. he is serving tea however in that humongous kettle, he is smiling….yeah, jijazieni! LOL

  19. Archer says:

    Yaani it took you only 24 hours to do the research, the practical and to compile the report?

    Anyway, with the symptoms that you’ve described here, it’s no wonder why miraa was banned in the UK juzijuzi.

    Before my current job i used to do research work for peeps projects hapo KIM, yaani you chotea me, you have a project paper in your hands within a week……… this one took me less than 2 hrs…..LOL

  20. frankie says:

    yeah, as someone asked, how come walalos have huge families but chew miraa? and me too, i shall never understand how a whole clan lives in a one roomed house…..
    halafu as the kanda bongo man guy, here is the summary of questions:
    1.Where does he keep his money and how does he remove it?
    2. Does he have excessively long legs or an excessively short torso?
    3. How does he pee? Ama his zeeper is made somehwere else convenient?

    he he

    Good questions!! now where do we find him to answer them?? LOOL

  21. joeman ghavinedaddylewi says:

    jana nlipata matha ya morio akishkisha na njungu na ma dunhill na bwanake ni ascofu.boss taxine nayo.

  22. Mush says:

    The goodness of miraa is only known to those who chew it…stop misleading guys based on shere myths n madeup stories… u pretend to b knowing much about miraa yet still claim not to be using it…inakuwashia nini kama haimo nguoni mwako!…alchohol has killed billion na bado yet you have done NO ‘research’ on it…most probably u were high oon miraa when writting that bullshit…get a life asshole!:@:@

  23. kioko zipporah says:


  24. Gazaisaac says:

    hiyo ni ngorii…haaha ata wamatha hukashkisha

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