A Drunken post..

Posted: October 24, 2007 in ulevi

No no this is not like Archer’s drunken post about his former over 30 chicca(s)……

It just an incoherent rumble…

Anything else?

Woody Allen is saying the girlfriend is cheating on him (Jason Biggs). This turns out to be true. In her defence she (Christina Ricci) says she only just wanted to confirm that she’s OK,  all parts were oiled (oiling) well, running smoothly and nothing is absolutely wrong – she just didn’t wanna do him and couldn’t understand why…….

The sound of a dropping coin distracts my multitasking – couch, labelled black & spider – 5 minutes it says. Jump up, red can & glass away – all is ready – only needs a dash of V & the black will do well (the only option anyway)…..isn’t kinda cold outside? The fixed one greeeeeeeen greeeen and yes you dimwit  ofcourse I’m! kwani…..drop it….. Knock (bang) on the back door – Damn, that cant be! Unless you turned out to be a jet fuel guzzler – there’s no way!!!

“Dude!” am I shocked? Yeah, I didn’t know….no one informed me….nway bila shindas…..what the hell was the name….? Vijana are maxing & chillin…..Out the other way….Ala ‘Sura ya malaika’ emanating from somewhere….got it! Huh? Naja basi…… this is funny, was it a coincidence or…?? Great timing I think to myself!

Options OPTIONS! Gotta make up your mind…… rev up the Audi (A4)….aint too comfy to do it and it may take a zillion turns to get (out) there…..see ya later! Where is that Isuzu pick up?? Pass by the ‘re-filler’ and fill up with 6 tights ones and one ka loose….thirst is calling!

Boys Boys….that’s a nice coooooooler……last time shenanigan were off the hingez……white ones were discussed…….we shud do it again blah blah…….damn Rooney – yaani how can you miss a penalty….. Bachelor herd wanna watch some English men battle it out with not so many black Africans….. am OUT hia!

Now this is more like it……I’ve stock?? Cool, Bump n Grind….smoke…it aint illegal, right?? Crazy, Hot, lots of it! Damn, kite can’t fly higher….. Sunday?? Maybe…Airforce 1 takes off…….followed by, haiya, ‘Solo’…….disappears to the horizon….damn……opportunity loss they say….. off you go you two…….

‘Man, did we have anything to eat tonight?’ BIMBO it is! Kuku porno lazima!

Oh yeah, the name is Scooby doo!

Is that the time (who cares)?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

AOB

Am becoming a mlevi, drat, cancel that – I’M A MLEVI. I need help….. who has that number for AA?

Yaani my fridge is always stocked…….

dsc00769.jpg

See how much space is left for food??

There’s more…….

ulevixs.jpg

Ok OK (before you start praying for my liver), i didnt drink all that – i had some few guys over lakini they chickened out on the viceroy so that is still in my fridge….quarterway…..its my sleeping pill.

But you cant blame me, alcohol is cheap here like that case of Windhoek lagers cost me 81 Pula (Approx Kshs 890 which means one cost 37 bob).

Ms Xs has voiced her concern (many times) over excessviness of kanywaji…… kwanza the way the baby pot is turning to something else…….yeah a sugar daddy. The excuse that its genetical, been in my family is becoming so lame…..and so is ‘i kunywaad alot uji as a toi…”

So i need to reduce my alcohol consumption with an aim of quitting (Archer, Muthii, Kirima, Modo…….. INSERT THAT EVIL LAUGH HERE)

Am wondering what will i do if actually i quit the bottle (Insert that laughter here again)

What are the options

  • Learn how to knit
  • fulana.jpg
  • Workout and get to do that ‘around the block’ morning/evening jog
  • Iron my shirts instead of paying someone to do it @ 5 pula/shirt
  • Learn how to bake, cook chapati….deep fry an egg (Pilato 2007)
  • Do the dishes
  • Learn to enjoy non-alcohol induced sleep
  • Visit & chat up my neighbour
  • Find out where churches are in this city
  • Learn more about colours, sijui egg white, bone white, and all other shades of black…
  • Be polishing my shoes….
  • Rid myself of all these painkillers (for hangies) and EyeGene solution (to clear the redness of maitho)….
  • write more sober & sensible posts…. 

Yeah the list is long….. hebu i kamata another Heineken as i think of more options

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Comments
  1. super says:

    This is a very SOBER post NOT an inebriated one!! It will be one when ur fridge is empty….

    Do you see it becoming empty soon…?

  2. super says:

    Ok. I agree…not very sober…..

    LOL

  3. Kirima says:

    Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!
    Lakini if you need to know what to do with all that alcohol just call me.

    Hebu kwanza be ready to pay up what you owe! i’ll be home sooooon. LOL

  4. bankelele says:

    tough to quit since so much of our social lives & networking revolve around drinking (beer).

    is there golf in namibia? that would be a nice 5-hour diversion (though it ends with beers also)

    Am in BW…. Golf? hiyo apana….but on 2nd thot maye i’ll give it a shot

  5. Shamza says:

    I’d go for knitting and cooking chaps if I were excess LOL!
    Now, aki that viceroy looks tempting..but NO I will not go back to my eeeeeeevil days. *Shamza, slowly turn your face away from the viceroy…ok, QUICKLY scroll down…NOW hit the power button on the PC and RUUUUUUN for dear life!!! RUN and get a book on knitting 101*

    Shamza i’ve poured some kwa glathi, wekaad some ice cubes…sasa naitilia coke….***here u go….Kunywa ni tamu…

  6. Mocha! says:

    LOL …… ati wash dishes???? Si that should be automatic ama you operate disposables?

    LOL, i just leave them kwa sink & cleaning lady does the necessary….

    Enyewe….judging from the space in your fridge for food, anything is possible.

    Hehehehe

  7. pilato says:

    Man you need help..Niko Jamhuri now but i beg to hook you up with my pal across the border who is a life member of AA , Jozi. Am sure he will be able to help you get on the wagon…True story.

    Ala ulienda home when? Naja pia… that AA guy, tell him i live in Maun…tsk tsk

  8. Archer says:

    Dude!!! I can’ understand like 33/4 of the post!!!!! ‘ll give it a try when I’m under the influence, perhaps we need to be on the same wavelength to elewana.

    There’s a juicy story in there….decipher away…LOL

    Ati Jimmy quitting pints….. wuuuuaaaaaAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! those are jokes. The day you totally quit pints kabisa, I’ll give up smoking. Deal?

    DEAL!!!!! lakini starting next year, right?

  9. Kafai says:

    All I can see is the Viceroy. Maybe I will be able to read later, maybe.

    Hehehe so its true the rumours i’ve heard….?LOL

  10. threetypesofcrazy says:

    ????????????

    Something wrong with ur keyboard….?

  11. kip says:

    you are not alone….. I Wish i had never started this drug.

    LOL. Luckily i dont *hic* abuse it….

  12. sultrynutter says:

    U need prayer… I’ll try and remember to pray for you.

    alternatively ….

    I have heard from other Walevi that a Bloody Mary cures the Hangies in the morning!

    No it represses them to later…..

  13. egm says:

    Eh, pole. Quit that pombe. Mwenjoyos can still be had with the right company even if all are on Keringet!

    LOL, its hard but i’ll try….next year….

  14. Wanja says:

    Tihihihihihihihi………….heheheheheheheheheh (very evil laugh)

    Ouch!

  15. frankie says:

    take those bottles out..smash them…and ask all prayer girls in blogland to say a prayer for u…then u can come I give u an AA number….

    Now why am i smashing them? ama it coz they are empty? LOL

  16. modoathii says:

    before you smash them…oh wait….MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

    where was i..okay, before you smash em, give kafei “vich the roy”, and the “hawks in the wind” to kirima. sioni vodo so i’m okay.

    you knitting (muffled laugh) you jogging (LOUD LAUGH), says the guy with a one-pack too.

    One-pack my foot!

  17. modoathii says:

    enyewe, wacha pia si tuwashe kama archer said then reread it. it’s in code…

    hehehehehe

    you can also pour it down the sink, si you know that email where the guy ended up drinking the sink…nitakutafutia nikutumie kama huna.

    Forward!

  18. 3N says:

    that Viceroy looks so good.

    sorry can’t help you with quitting, I will email you AA meeting locations kando.

    Viceroy!

    oh, I mean

    cheers!

    Viceroy..ooops i meant heineken aaarrrghhhhh cheeers

  19. Muthii Fulani says:

    MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA pause for breath WAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! ok now dude, hebu quit na haraka, join the fanta drinking colony. now, what is that up there? there is no post. i did not see none, just the list, see why you should stop now? LOL

    Dude that laugh aki, ngoja tu nitalipisha!! Fanta? si heri ninywe yorghut?

  20. kip says:

    pesa pombe siasa na wanawake …………

    kamilisha methali huo…

    Pombe(FULLSTOP)! Hayo mengine ni yako. LOL

  21. Gishungwa says:

    You sure you are not a distributor yourself LOL. All the same i have quit so there is hope for you.
    Get home safe.

    hehehe ati u r quitting? eish mami, you quit after new year, not when Krisimas in the corner! LOL

  22. udi says:

    ati guys lengad the viceroy? I guess u havent dealt with Kenyans like me. That viceroy would have ishad in like 5 minutes from shotoz.

    Not to worry, this Kenyan worked on it proper! LOL

  23. threetypesofcrazy says:

    I am not leaving this place until I understand. Where is that oil, we are burning the midnight oil hapa

  24. Miss E says:

    That fridge looks clean..Aint nothing nastier than a dirty fridge…LOL…but chill out on the booze…

  25. Farmgal says:

    Start knitting! Thats my recommendation..I believe you’ll love it to bits.

  26. Klara says:

    Haiya yah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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