Ukimtupa mbuzi, utakula nini?

Posted: March 4, 2008 in Super

DUH!

That doesn’t make sense at all

Same applies to SUPER’s comment on my last post (see below)

He says he’s trying to help the friend of my friend of my other friend (i got lost here)……. and that he will only charge EXPENSES (here too)..….yeah big LOL

Here we go: (copied & pasted as is)

A friend of a friend of a friend of a …….. is looking to replace her (cut and run?) boyfriend.

Here is a list of criteria for the man she may consider dating….

1) Hot
2) Tall i.e. taller than you when in heels
3) Measures over 5.5inches
4) With some experience
5) a)Lasts in the sack over 60 seconds….we know its hard guys but come on…actually thats what we’re not after…but you know what we mean!
5)b) If you can’t manage this, for your sake and ours…carry on at least till you reach the 60 second mark
6) Naughty but respectful
7) Doesn’t cheat
8) Nice but not soppy
9) Trimmer, but not waxed
10) Doesn’t suck your face off when you kiss him
11) Slight tan so doesn’t glow in the dark
12) Who talks to your face rather than your chest but still appeciates your busom
13) Hair gel used sparingly
14) Someone who spends less time in the mirror than we do
15) Doesn’t pluck their eyebrows like a girl or a gay
16) A man not a boy
17) Facial hair, doesn’t matter if its shaved off but their has to be potential for growth
18) Big arms
19) Manly hands
20) Big feet…cause of course that would mean big socks
21) Good dress sense, but none of this over trendy crap i.e. skinny jeans!
22) Someone who always offers to pay when your out, ESPECIALLY on the first date
23) Who likes cuddles, but not as much as we like them or this would imply you are a boy not a man
24) Keeps you on your toes
25) Takes no nonsense
26) Nice teeth, good breath
27) Doesn’t have to pretend he doesn’t look at other girls, because we all know that would be untrue but to pay you more attention than he does them
28) Text initiator, but keep us guessing i.e. play hard to get initially
29) Romantic but not in a gushy, pathetic way i.e. not love letters like a 12 year old would send that make us all want to vom
30) Ambitious
31) Wants to please us in the bedroom more than himself
32) Who doesn’t obsess over anal, you closet homo’s
33) Good manners, including that of eating habits
34) Well bred e.g. if you are a labour supporter then don’t push your crappy views onto others, i.e. those of us who support the real parties.
35) Never ask us what a word means, ask your mates
36) Wear plain underwear, not that kiddy crap.
37) We dont like skid marks/rips etc
38) Deodrant would be useful
39) If you want us to go down there, then think about how you would like us to be first. Fishy flaps is a no, so knob rot also is.
40) No hairy arses, along with your back this is the only area you are allowed to wax but do it in secret.
41) Nice car, robin reliants aren’t attractive “romantic strolls” are a good way out of this
42) Always suggest protection, its not just a girls job you know
43) Be mildy affectionate in public i.e. holding hands but too much just makes you an exhibitionist.
44) Use lip balm, flakey lips are not good
45) Make a girl aware your shit in bed before hand, dont try to be a porn star when your clearly not. If we like you, training up is no problem
46) If you use lube, use the proper shit not crap like butter…buttery faj’s aren’t good…since when do you butter a fish- Cod in butter sauce anyone?
47) Clean your sheets
48) Don’t leave pubes in the bath or down the bog if you’ve just trimmed..there is a flusher for a reason
48) Dont leave underwear on the floor
49) Dont use our facewipes when you’ve run out of loo roll.. they’re expensive
50) Don’t use our eyeliner as a pen when you cant find one, as of same principle as above
51) Be dominant but don’t demand with regards to bedroom play
52) Don’t bite
53) Don’t decide to come on us externally without previous permission and warning, its just rude otherwise
54) No pissing and shitting on us, end of.
55) Man boobs are a no. Thats our area
56) Don’t try to introduce us to the parents on the first date, that just wierd and scary
57) No hard drugs of any type, if you can’t have fun without, thats just plain and simply SAD.
58) If your trying to pull a girl and your a shit dancer just don’t even try to dance or get pissed thinking it will make you any better. It wont.
59) You’ll stand up for us. Knowing you will always fight our corner is a big plus
60) Vampire bat impressions (or any animal impression for that matter) or the talk of bad sexual experiences is not EVER going to win us over.
61) Dont get wankered on your first date expecting us to drive, its not big and its not clever.
62) Don’t lie about someting when we ask you a question, we ask because we want the truth, but dont tell us something we dont need to know!!! tact gentlemen tact!!
63) Don’t winge about our driving – if you get a lift your bloody lucky, so shut up and put up.
64) We don’t like people who can’t spell, and blame it on their “woman” keyboard….hey Rose?!
65)a) We don’t like people who pinch our food…get your own, or if you think we’re fat, tell us (in the nicest way possible, of course)
65)b) A good way of suggesting point a is to ask us to accomany you to the gym etc…be nice boys be nice!
66) NEVER ask us if we’re pregnant…when clearly we’re not! If a girl ever is, she will tell you of her own accord.
67) If your over 30 or left university and working, you really should have your own place by now…this will work in your favour too, think LOUDER sex, in new and more interesting places….the washing machine?!
68) Always let us rule over the tv remote…top gear and sports programmes are only ever on when WE want them on!
69) Never expect us to mean an apology, remember we are always right so if you get any sort of an apology, consider yourself priviledged!
70) Please don’t point out ANY stretch marks/spots/blemishes/cellulite we know there there…we don’t need to be reminded!
71) NOOOOO fake tanning, purely gay, streaky orange suits NO ONE!
72) No sunbedding it – plain and simply wrong, almost as bad as the last point!
73) Straighteneing hair….not good, however in some cases can be overlooked, that is unless you start whining like a baby when it rains..
..eg. Will Swain, we have all seen it for our own eyes!!!!

Boys, get in touch.. or get LOST! Oh La laaaa….!!!

Super, you are nuts!!

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Comments
  1. phassie says:

    fao! off to read

  2. phassie says:

    I know I have mad expectations, but walala. Good luck to your friend’s friend’s friend.

  3. threetypesofcrazy says:

    whoever came up with the above “post” should seek medicl advice- the symptoms are persistent. YAAWA……..72 points? kwani it’s book? It’s not the friend of a friend of a friend who needs help- seriously!

  4. 3N says:

    that friend of a friend will be better off creating a man coz not on this earth will she find one.

    unless she is looking for a man who has about 70% of the 72 points…

  5. Kei says:

    I am it… if she’ll settle for a mere 50

  6. prou says:

    Poor girl the man she wants is still evolving should be around in some 200 years or so. Too bad she will not be around then.

  7. Kirima says:

    What is the pass mark?

  8. Gish says:

    LOL Kirima Ati pass mark. Just tell her those men doesnt exist unless she wants 35/72 ish ish

  9. candybox says:

    Shame this man doesn’t exist. Oh well a girl can but dream/fantasize.

  10. super says:

    Three Species:

    There are Three Types of People In This World: Dicks, Pussies and Assholes

    Description:

    “We’re dicks! We’re reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks! And they …. are pussies. And ….. is an asshole. Pussies don’t like dicks!.. because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole… is a dick… with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn’t apporoporate, and it takes a pussy to show ’em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don’t know much in this crazy, crazy world, but I do know that if you don’t let us fuck this asshole, we are gonna have our dicks and our pussies… all covered in shit.”

    -Speciation Theory… which species are u?

  11. Zax says:

    In campo we had this passmaork 40/100, dont know if it exists but me thinks it would be helpful to the friend of a friend of Xs’ friend friend’s…

  12. boyfulani says:

    phew! ata kusoma nimeshindwo..hiyo ni excess bro! bt i have an opinion of where such a man can be found: six feet under!
    @super: damn, u crass….

  13. Shamza says:

    AAAAI!

  14. modoathii says:

    eish, that pal of yours (etc, etc) wants 72 dudes?

  15. kip says:

    is the above idoit…. spam .. ??

    Definately spam!!

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