Razed or is it….

Posted: May 5, 2008 in Uncategorized

Raped.

Yes, Kamau*, a 40 year old man was abused sexually…. by a woman, Njeri*.

Why are peeps laughing? It happened….OK, I don’t have any proof but…..aaaah enjoy the story!

First, let me you give some background info.

Kamau & Njeri had been married before but it didn’t work (or so Kamau thought) and thus were divorced. Njeri, has refused to move on and even after Kamau remarried, she harboured some thought of them getting back together. These sentiments were shared by Kamau’s mother, who didn’t like the new wife.

The two tried in vain to separate Kamau from his new found love but failed miserably! That’s when they hatched a plan to rape the poor dude and by doing this, Njeri will get pregnant! If she gets pregnant, Kama will come back running….. (eish like it would work)!

How did they pull it of?

Mother invites son to her house with pretext of sort….. when the guy fikas, she welcomes him with a beer laced with ‘tap tap’ (some sort of dawa haramu) and Viagra.

Now you all know no man will turn down a drink so Kama fell victim. The ‘tap tap’ ensured he was knocked cold out of the world and the Viagra…., well you know what it does. Some part of him remained up, lively & perky!

And perky he was!

Now if he did actually release his eeeeh seeds, that is subject to some debate….

Haiya moving on,

This weekend as I watched Man U run riot on poor hapless WestHam, I saw this pregnant woman sipping on a cold Guinness. It got me thinking (Yes it happens often). Isn’t this Harmful to the baby? Actually isn’t all form of alcohol not adviced when one is in this state?

As I sipped my cold eeeeh kinywaji, another thought occurred to me. Of course, gutter mode was ON and blaring…..

Guinness has been rumoured to be an aphrodisiac (isn’t the reason why some women drink it?) and I have also heard that at some stage, pregnancy also serves as an aphrodisiac of sort…… so if the two are combined……? Ok, my thoughts were distracted my Man U third goal…..

So can someone confirm if the medical folklore that Guinness is beneficial for new born babies is true?

Ooooh and i hear the aphrodisiac effects of Ngii nene are primarily psychological….. but then, have they researched on Kenyan women who mix it Coca cola?!

Siku njema!

** The names used above are purely fictional & so could be the story

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Comments
  1. CB says:

    Yes. To all. You, and I, clearly, cannot be helped. 😉

    Huh?

  2. acolyte says:

    I was told the old formula of Guiness is the one that was beneficial as it had much iron in it but I dont know about the formula they use nowadays since companies often change the brewing formula to keep up with the times.
    As for that story it would take someone in the know of meds to pull that off because if they meds are too strong the dude may not be able to rise to the occasion or even if he did via viagra him busting a nut is another story altogether.
    SMH at a pregnant woman in a bar.

  3. bomseh says:

    That kamau story (why did u have to call him Kamau?), no way it cuda happened. He cuda been molested but I doubt penetration.

    How do you figure that?

    On Guiness, all I know for sure about Guiness (the kenyan one) is that after downing several, everything turns into Guiness. I mean the sweat is guiness, all forms of excretion and ejaculation is pure guiness complete with the smell, and for sober mamaas, after sex with a partaker, they have massive Guiness hang-overs

  4. Gish says:

    Old wives tales: guiness is good for the baby ati the baby come out clean but you can only drink a glass.
    the vibe of randiness that i leave to black ice and sambucca.

    That dose of pregnant so that he will stay with me is soo 1800.

  5. Wanja says:

    Jotting down questions…Can Kamau have a hard on when he is out cold? Using the theory of the morning full-mast plus the adverse effects of the blue pill…..well, off to research

    Was the seed embedded?

    Eeeeeh i dont know…

  6. Nakeel says:

    That Njeri will be left rolling ukos Sasimua dam.

    Now about the Guiness vibe it aint the first time . Anything alcoholic is bad for the baby unles you want it to chuck bila legs amd masikio.
    Aco as for iron si one should just take Aktiferin tabs the whole session then you assured of the iron than the fombe….

  7. 3N says:

    wouldn’t it be an interesting court case as the mom playing the part of defendant for being an accomplice in the rape of his own son??

  8. Half n Half says:

    Guiness is good for you! Thats what people here say! They drink it like its their national drink………
    Now kamau (haki its always kamau isnt it!) Me (I) believe that story! there is a book am trying to remember the name some nurse did the horizontal with a guy who was almost going and he died with a smile………….so I believe kamau did it. Whether its assault is left to maendeleo ya wanaume!

    Hebu remember that book!!! sounds interesting

  9. valentia says:

    LOL!!!!!!! That Kamau story cannot be true..can it??? what is the world coming to..a mother conspiring with an ex-wife to get her pregnant..heee!

  10. Kirima says:

    About Guiness I haven’t a clue, I can’t stand the stuff and am not too fond of chicks who take it (could I be missing something, I wonder?)
    @HnH can you remember the name of the book and share please! LOL!

  11. it is widely believed that a little bit of guiness is good because it “used/did” contain iron. Yes, different countries have different formulations of it.Lakini, there was/is some truth to the guiness = some iron theory. Or is it a hypothesis?

  12. super says:

    Baba yetu
    Uliye breweries
    Beer zako zitufikie
    Bei yake iwe hapa Kwa bar Kama huko AFCO
    Utupe chupa zetu za kila siku
    Utusamehe sisi walevi
    Kama tunavyosamehe wasiolewa
    Tusijenge manyumba mbali na bar, na ziwe karibu na butchery
    Kwa kuwa beer zote in zako
    Mavodka,maviceroy, marichot hata mawine,
    Wakenya!!!!

  13. Kafai says:

    @Super, You have just made my morning.
    That vibe of Guiness being an aphrodisiac, well my Ex would tell you that is the only drink he is willing to buy me 🙂
    And no, you are not to offer me a drink!

    Why would he only buy you guinness??? hebu fafanua kidogo….Kwani uli….eeh wacha niwachie hapa!

  14. 31337 says:

    bust a nut? hebu do a follow up story. banange! a pregnant woman on guiniss? someone say; my name is randy and I am here to rock your world!

  15. nzembi says:

    Lol! Super uv tickld me beyond! Can i share that ‘prayer’ wit beer loverz? Hehehe

  16. super says:

    Xs wacha hizooooooo……..hebu mpe dada Kafai hizo digit zangu ili tupate time za kusema hiyo prayer pamoja sisi kwa sisi………{{{{{{{Kafai}}}}}}} heeheeee…….

  17. Kafai says:

    @Super Ati what? this is becoming very very hilarious.
    Xs tuonane kando nifanye background check on super 🙂
    From his long stay hapa kwako, he is NOT PG safe!

  18. frankie says:

    first of all, how does a mother hatch a plot like that? it would be creepy for a parent to get involved in their children’s sex lives!

    and i don’t think he ejaculated so the rape was in vain

  19. frankie says:

    oh, i don’t think any alcohol can be an aphrodisiac unless it is laced with the ingredient for making viagra

  20. Mo Ma says:

    Haiya, wasn’t that a Desperate Housewives premise?

    Dont you think Njeri & MIL are desperate housewives? LOL

  21. Maua says:

    LMAO, super, the prayer, you forgot to pray for the pregnant women pewaring guiness. I think Kama’s mum and wife are on guiness as well and super should remember them too, they need a life.

  22. kip says:

    heheheh yaani all your post rotate around zzeexx manenos…

  23. Sera says:

    Some things you think of…..brrrrrrrrr!!!!!

  24. keitwice says:

    brilliant

  25. modoathii says:

    kicheko man….hahhhhhhahahaha….

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