A class of his own…

Posted: May 28, 2008 in Random, ulevi

There is this joint i used to frequent saaaaana some few years back – i would call it my ‘locals’ problem is its not in my neighbourhood. I lived huko Thika road and this place is in Parklands but every weekend, Friday to Sunday i was there.

Actually its not a pub – its a kawaida shop selling kawaida shop things – Mkate. maziwa, mchele, TP, Sukari..etc but what made this place special was that it stocks Vinywaji from KBL at RRP – Recommended Retail Price. You buy your drink and drink it wherever and whenever you like – mostly outside the shop or in your car. Similar settings to NJuguna’s. Pombe of that place ni tamu sana ni kama imetiliwa sukari…. I still pass by once in awhile

Since its in a residential apartment block (owned by a former Mp for Starehe), it was not shocking to find someone who came shopping for breakfast at 8.00am holding a bottle of the frothy dwink that early and the mkate & maziwa will get to the house around midday or never…

The place also has very interesting patrons – many of them are DDO’s, Daily Drinking Officers.

Take this guy (i’ll call him Karanja…) who i have never seen sober. The first thing you notice about this guy is that he never speaks in Swa, its always English or Kikuyu. A very bright chap who happens to be a last born in his family. He’s 44 but has aged well and can easily pass for a 30 year old.

He is unemployed and still lives at home with his parents, 200 meters from this joint. No maid lasts long in their house coz as she’s swinging her hips cleaning the floor – old school style, karai na rag – he would be behind her doing a rendition of Shaggy, Mr boombastic….some of them didn’t mind, or so he said.

One time his father had ’employed’ him as his driver. He always carried a bottle of mineral water with him – you all know what contents were.

One day he got involved in an accident hapo Ngara at that Muranga road/Limuru Road Junction next to BP (now shell). The vehicles from Muranga road have right of way so after confirming all was clear he accelerated only to find the car infront of him had not moved…..Aliingia nyuma vibaya.

What does the dude do, He picks his bottle and walks to parklands – for a refill – leaving the old man to sort out the mess!

Another time (not once) he found himself in Town with no cash. The dude boards a Matatu and sits next to the driver. When the kange starts asking for colour, he asks him stone faced,

Karanja: ”Is the driver paying?”

Kange: ”No”

Karanja: ”Then am not paying. Si we are headed in the same direction enjoying the same ride…”

An Argument ensued and he was thrown out at KSPS stage.

He boards another Ma3, this time when he was asked for chums he asks

”Are you going to Odeon?”

By that time they are at AghaKhan hospital, he disembarks letting everyone know how frustrated he is that he has been made to come all this way…..

He hoofed the rest of the way.

Karanja is a very bold man.

One time from a drinking spree, he checked his pockets and found he had only 30 bob in him which he had saved as his ma3 fare home. It was midnight and he was hungry as hell…… but he needed to get home….. the hunger got better of him and he passes by Kenchic of Kimathi street

As he is leaving Kenchic with his viazi, he notices a police car parked hapo nje. On closer scrutiny, he recognises the car because it belongs to Parklands police station. A light bulb clicks, moment later, he’s aboard the car much to the shock of the 3 policemen who had just bought a full chicken and were getting ready to thoroughly work on it. The dude says hi and continues to pour his chips onto the chicken and then picks a drumstick.

The dump founded cops just stare at him. Karanja now on his second piece asks them, ”kwani you guys are not eating? Ama you are not huuuunggrrryy?”

No, he didn’t spend a night in jail – actually they dropped him at home. Lucky bastard!

Because of his drinking hard liquor he once became dehydrated and had to be admitted in hospital – Aghakhan. Imagine our shock when we saw a guy, IV drip and all walking towards the shop/bar and ordering a dwink!

 Crazy!

PS: Archer & Modo have been introduced to this place…. Maybe they can share their experiences.

 

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Comments
  1. CB says:

    i like this post, hehehehe, and that karanja sounds like a blast! too bad am not of the imbibing persuasion coz that joint sounds like a blast too…

    and between me being locked out of my desktop [yes, can’t even access my music! this is why am the queen of technobofia] , and you having a new look for your digs, i don’t even want to think what colour i’ll be today…

    LOL, ati imbibing persuasion? si u kunywa a fanta as ‘Karanja’ entertains you?

  2. CB says:

    thrrrrrrrrrr. pink. somebody’s going to lose a limb on WP technical support…

  3. yaani CB this pink thing is doing your head in.

    This was funny XS. If I was not scared of being clobbered I wold have dared to try that “is the driver paying”stunt. Me, likes Karanja.

    Karanja is a kwel guy, am sure he wouldn’t mind giving you few pointers

  4. Kirima says:

    That famous place (no relations!!!!!!) which I am yet to visit, have heard so much about it from you. I should visit soon.

    Shall be arranged.

  5. prou says:

    That place is in my neighborhood. I must have run into Karanja then without knowing… he that dude is deadly.

    Maybe you know him….

  6. bankelele says:

    I think we all have relatives that we can write about

    LOL! Are you implying am related to Karanja? My ribs aches

  7. pinkmemoirs says:

    I always wonder what such people think about in terms of life, ambitions etc, but in a way I envy the fact that they live such simple fun lives!!!Funny dude

    You dont think there’s something wrong for him to drink like that?

  8. 3N says:

    funny how its always ‘I have never seen that guy sober’ or ‘hey? kwani you are always in this joint’ — as if one would encounter DDO’s on the regular without being a DDO him/herself….

    I am adding Karanja’s bar/pub to my itinerary in the future

    LOL, you got a point there! I’ll never admit to it though. Alafu diarise ukifika huku next time

  9. pinkmemoirs says:

    Definitely there is something wrong with him, lakini there is a way his life sounds simple. It may not always be that way, but on the short term, he seems to be having a fine time.

  10. 31337 says:

    heheh. karanja is one heck of a fellow!

  11. seinlife says:

    I want a ‘Karanja’ in my neighborhood….
    Perhaps you can take that one to your ESF conference and clone him?

  12. nzembi says:

    Lol! Me likes Karanja! That story hs tickled me senseless.! Kwanza the cops, chips, kuku n karanja vybe! Tihihihi. . .

  13. wanja says:

    The Kenchic part killed me…LOL!!!

  14. Mama says:

    Too funny!! He is 44 and leaves with his paros? Have I laughed or have I laughed? Eti were they going to Odeon, my goodness, hehehehehehehe!

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