Can I oil your back…?

Posted: June 9, 2008 in Random, wierd

Its sunday, tha day labelled as ‘lazy day’ in your calender. You have no plans but just to be ‘lazy’. You need to detox.

After a heavy late breakfast you visit the swimming pool, its been awhile since you took a dip..

You are alone. Seems the other guests have either gone to church or are still holed up in their rooms, maybe horizontal, playing some bed-dance…. or is it bednastics..?

Perfect, now you can refresh your swimo-antics in the pool. Not a care to the world, maybe only a note to self – Dont drown.

Its a cloudy late morning but the water is nice and luke-warmish….

Aaaaah how relaxing, you wish SHE was there, maybe you could up the frolics…. and be a little naughty…. tsk tsk

You get a feeling of being watched…

Looking around you notice him, seated at the far end near the bar seeping on a coke, a cigarette dangling from his mouth…. yes he’s staring at you.

You ignore him and resume to your ‘relaxation’…. or whatnot..

After awhile you hear someone speak at you….

”How deep is it..?”


”The pool?”

You ponder for a second. The pool is clearly marked, the deepest end is 1.5ft which reaches your chest….barely

”Not deep” You answer

”Enjoying yourself hey?”

”yeah” And with that you do a ‘mermaid’ move and disappear under the water coming out at the other end.

An hour later, having burnt out a good chunk of calories, you are basking yo black ass (figuratively) in the sun, maybe to make it darker…..

Akon is streaming from your Mp3 player aka your phone, threatening to burst your eardrums with Bonanza asking some lady to dance like a belly dancer…

Someone clears their throat…

He’s back, in swim wear, and has occupied the pool bed next to yours.

”My name is Frank”

”eeeeh mine is eeeh James…nice to meet you..” Its a lie

Frank: ”You alone..?”

No, i have a party of ten invisible people….

You: ”yap”

Frank: ”Are you here for business or pleasure?”

You: ”Business”

Small talk follows

Frank: ”Can i buy you a drink…?”

”No thanks” Gesturing to your one litre water bottle – detox remember..?

After awhile

Frank: “The sun is hot, how i wish I had a dark skin like yours..” He’s white..

You wonder to yourself WTF?

He continues “Can i apply some sunscreen onto your back…?

SAY WHAT??? Alarm bells blaring!

”No, Thank you” as you make excuses of how you have to leave..

As you hurriedly half-walk half run towards the nearest exit, struggling into your t-shirt… he shouts at you,

“Whats your room number..?”


Disclaimer: The above didn’t happen. Its purely fictional, the author has a vivid wild imagination.


  1. CB says:

    it could happen…

  2. CB says:

    clearly detox is very bad for you. 😉

  3. egm says:

    You guy, kwani what sorts are you attracting?

  4. bankelele says:

    what are you tryng to tell us?

  5. Xs says:

    PEOPLE PEOPLE Read the disclaimer! LOL

  6. archer says:

    Disclaimer my ass!

    (Disclaimer: pun fully intended)

  7. savvy08 says:

    disclaimer my toe…

    am sure it is creepy getting hit on by someone of the same sex….

    anway, reminds me how i skived Friday class so me and my pals could go swimming, and i surprised myself by doing a ‘mermaid’ move, literally swimming under water from end to end, and all along i thought i couldn’t hold my breath for that long…

    want to see if that is true? holla!

  8. prou says:

    Is not and cannot be fiction disclaimer notwithstanding so…did you meet your admirer on the corridor before the end of your stay? Or at the restaurant…possibilities galore?

  9. bomseh says:

    Disclaimer here means diss the claim err ama?

  10. Zax says:

    He heeeeeeeeee… Disclaimer… as said, my foot!!! Ha… Pssst “I wish I had a skin like yours” ha haaaa… Si you do the next post… TITLE: Back at the room, Can I touch your butt!!! LOL!

  11. Mocha! says:

    Hiyo disclaimer…….YAH, WA’EVER!!! *insert eye roll here*

  12. Milkshake says:

    Interesting author, with such wild thoughts i av a request. Can we hook up pliiiizzz? I like ur ass more! I’ll give u my address n we can go swimming.

  13. kip says:

    someone here really pendas zex …. manenos.. i see milkshake abover has offered boonaaanii………… go tap some dude..

  14. rachelinfiction says:

    oooooh nice writing skillz!! Lol very funny made me laugh out loud.

  15. 31337 says:

    dude, there is not ffing way this is fiction. just look at the comments, you know where jimbo shows there is bound to be some drama…..

  16. You must have surprised that Frank

  17. This cant be fiction! You were hit on pure and simple…

    Straight men don’t write gay fiction….. this really happened.

  18. pinkmemoirs says:

    😀 that is so funny! Why are guys more disgusted at being hit on, compared to women? A guy friend was hit on at a club in Nai (he’s really light), he punched the dude! This friend is the most even tempered dude I know.
    Talk about being homophobic.

  19. Kirima says:

    Perhaps his back had pararad!

  20. Wanja says:

    thihihihihi……i am with the Gay Nairobi man on this……the author has a vivid wild imagination….my tush 🙂

  21. nzembi says:

    hehehehehe… dude u tht pretty?? lol..ati disclaimer?! KWERA!!

  22. kip says:

    @ nzembi KWERA? looooool sounds very very familiar! lol Childhood perhaps!?

  23. Mo Ma says:

    Hahaha, I feel you there…reminds me of the time I was 18 and got leered at by a dude. I was waiting for the matatu and got what felt like an hour long lust-filled stare ….from a middle-aged man! I felt like I needed to shower with Harpic just to feel clean again.

  24. 3N says:


    see the question for ‘business or pleasure’ was a no win situation for you Mr. X. kama ni pleasure basi anaendlea

    and you saw how ‘business’ turned out to be.


  25. archer says:

    There’s no winning this one Jimbo! I’m with GNM. But again, maybe your back had pararad/maybe he was a masseuse trying to market his bizna/maybe he was just gay and thought this 6 foot 1 specimen from East Africa could be his chips for the day…the possibilities are endless!

  26. archer says:

    Maybe he wanted you to be the Ernest to his Frank! Get it? Frank & Ernest? Muahahahahaha!

  27. Gish says:

    he just wanted to check if tis true about black men LOL. GNM is on point here

  28. nzembi says:

    @Kip. . .childhood memories kibao!

  29. […] section is open. Loose the stuck-up-ness and compliment someone. In fact, let’s start with Xs, seeing that one Frank in Accra, Ghana has already opened the […]

  30. Eclipse says:

    Hahahahahah! if twas me id take off like a rocket…after landing a right hook that is heheheh! Scary to think of that stuff happening to me hehehehhe

  31. Kajoroge says:

    Hahaha, still funny, and disturbing

  32. Twaila says:

    Lol…. very disturbing and the whole disclaimer…. someone must be very creative Must say 🙂

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