What did i do?

Posted: July 4, 2008 in Fun, July

Well, i did nothing. No party! No nothing!

I didnt celebrate…. i was excited in the morning (ok like few minutes past midnight) when i got that SmS…. she’s always the first…. then again in the morning….. Then my eFriends jazzaad my email with Bassdei wishes….Thank you guys

It was a normal day just like any other, i only checked for white hair….. none so far sighted…

I had a tiring day….. at times like this i really hate my Job…. Not only does it keep me away from my family but its also becoming very veeeeeeery boring!

How are you expected to train people on how to use an advanced software that uses browser technology and they have like Zilch computer knowledge? Where do i start? Comp 101?

For real there was this guy who has never used a mouse before (the system they use currectly is DOS based….you know command prompts) So whenever he reaches for the mouse his hands shake like leaves… At first i thought he was drunk(he wasn’t)….then he started sweating (rivulets) when i told him to double click on a particular folder to open it….. mamamia… he had to hold the mouse with two hands just to point the cursor to the right folder…… by the time i was instructing the audience to Open a browser window type the URL address he was looking at me like am the first human being to ever see.

If my patience has ever been tried & tested, then this is it. How do you talk/give instructions/explain in the simplest way possible, use examples, repeat the whole process like 3 times, then when it gets to practicals all someone can do is to stare at the Comp screen…..its like he’s willing it to blow into pieces…..for 15 Minutes?

Then i get questions like this (after talking my throat dry):

What do we input in a/c number field? 

What do we type in the narrative field?  

Do we click OK (button) or Cancel to complete the transaction?

Do we use Enquiry to enquire? etc etc etc

If i come back and am just ‘talking’ to myself while collecting polythene bags by the roadside, or you hear am in a certain jail in Ghana for smacking/bashing someone’s head with my laptop, tafadhali jaribuni kuelewa! Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhh


Back to my birthday, I can say am very very proud of myself. Since i discovered beer like 12 years ago, today is the only Bday I have ever been sober. A round of applause please! That doesn’t mean all you who promised me drinks i wont collect NO SIR! Si wikendi ni kesho (technically leo)!

As usual after making that international call, (and after a few games of scrabble, ok 7..) i was ready for bed when i heard a rather loud knock. At first i thought it was someone lost coz for all this period i have been here i have never had a visitor in my room.

I open slowly


A waiter is standing there grinning…..A cake & some fruits on his hand.

What a nice suprise. Apparently they do actually input the info we fill on those check in forms into their system….. (though i had also mentioned that my Bday will find me here..)

Haya Who wants to share? I hate melon though – you can have it….

Then the cake….. I cant remember the last time i had cake! IT IS YUMMY!!!!! See…. am literally stuffing my face in it…..

Dont ask me what type of cake it is….. all i know is it had 3 layers huko ndani and some fruits in between the layers AND ITS NICE!

Now how can I have all that ALONE? Damn!

  1. 31337 says:

    pass me the melon and half the cake mate. the melon apparently is good for stamina if you catch my drift. i have ordered a lorry load from mombasa, it arrives tomorrow morning.

  2. 31337 says:

    oh look at that. i am first!

  3. bankelele says:

    clap clap clap

  4. CB says:

    that looks suspiciously like a blackforest…it’s the fruits, cream and layers…i could hijack a plane and help you with that. just the cake though, you can send your melons and stamina up there **pointing** as requested. 🙂

    PS: when you said a knock i was so sure it would be frank. 😀 and no, i am not ever going to let it go. 😉

  5. Zax says:

    LO@ your IT maneno. I do systems too and projects are like my day to day life. It totally sucks… though seriously… the people you got this time round are like really injured…tech-wise… There is this ERP system that I was training and implementing with some HR people… Lord, arent they foodious or what…they could chapa singizi seriously during the lectures… and make the loudest noise when samosa’s were delayed or missed on the Menu!

    Nice place you are staying… at first I got different ideas whe you said someone nockd on the door… he heeee… Your Frank pal?

  6. Gish says:

    I don’t like cake so pass the fruits.
    thee knock brought two things to mind, Frank or Rihanna preferably the latter.

  7. You stayed Sober- HALLELUYAH.

    LOOOOL @Do I press ok or cancel to complete a transcation. HEHEHEHE,that one needs to take that job interview. I am not sure thay had one.
    (Note to self: Try not to open an account with a certain bank.)

    I think I have figured out the man with the sahking hand- XS, STOP CALLING THE MOUSE, THE MOUSE (that there is where the problem is!!!!!)call it the black dot or something. That man is waiting for that mouse to bite off his fingers.

  8. val says:

    hahaha…okie first the comments…3TOC are u okie????

    Anyhu hope you had a fab birthday…feel free to share the cake..and the drinks when you’re collecting 3TOC and I will be there collecting with you 🙂

    okie being a technophobe (albeit not a bad as the shaky guy) I feel for him..so errr…try and be gentle…lol

  9. Milk shake. says:

    Damn! How can u have that alone when my mouth is soooo watery darling. Pass it on. Melon? naaaah

  10. archer says:

    Yeah, I also thought Frank was at your door, clad in nothing but a birthday suit & a tie (which was to be your gift!) haha!

    Beers can be reclaimed in Nairobi ukiwasili.

    About the training, enyewe how can you be expected to do it when the students are sans basic computer knowledge? Is there a way you could recommend them to take up those package courses for basic comp know how, before coming back for your training? Just don’t start plucking out your hair in huge chunks!

  11. egm says:

    Kwani folks hate melon? Vile it’s good? Ebu pass it here also.

    Like others, I was sure Frank was at the door.

  12. Kafai says:

    Now you made me craveg for cake. You sure Frank was not standing hapo behind the waiter 🙂

  13. Kirima says:

    We will save the beers for you till u come to Nairobi. LOL @ Archer

  14. Carol says:

    Leta yote, melon,cake,and all!
    Am still clapping,am I drunk?I think so….!Thumbs up, u were sober!
    Now don’t go breaking your comp!Just meza tu dry throat ,esp.when that guy sweats! Its fine if you collect papers on the streets, City Council will employ you,to help keep the city clean.You will only need to trace your way back to Kenya!

  15. savvy08 says:

    wait, surprise from who? wacha u look at the bill and u find it is Frank, who by some miracle, got the info about ur bday, be careful!

    anyway, happy bday

    i sikiad melon is a good subsitute for Viagra, for real, heard it on Classic 105 FM, so…Xs, eat ur fruits! good for little Xs(s).. he he

  16. savvy08 says:

    so, me want cake, me want cake

  17. nzembi says:

    lol @ Archer!…
    Andd then ati…’ he had to hold the mouse with two hands just to point the cursor to the right folder…… by the time i was instructing the audience to Open a browser window type the URL address he was looking at me like am the first human being to ever see’ ..i can picture this scene… ROTFLMAOWBFU!!! Iza dadii!!

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