Episode something…

Posted: September 8, 2008 in Uncategorized

My first memory of soap was of Imperial Leather…. in my eyes!

However for Jimmy it was Rexona! 

You should understand, my mum (May she rest in eternal peace) used to work in City Styles, a famous designer shop in Meru back in the 80’s thus she could afford afew luxury in life…read Imperial leather soap.

Nostalgia…

Anyhooo Lets come back to Jimmy & his eventful youthful life….3TOC & 3N you dont have to wait til 2010…

Jimmy was the only Boy (amongst enough girl cousins) in his Grandma’s compound and thus its was a thrill when Hump(rey) was brought…well sought of delivered-cum-dumped by his Mum to this homestead. She was tired of raising the Kid on her own while his Army dad partied all through…..

Hump was a special case….. he idolised Jimmy sooo much. Anything Jimmy said goes (or is it Goed since its past tense… Intel clarify)

Both of them had a chronic bed wetting problem…which was rather a huge embarrassment since the girl cousins didnt experience the same predicament…. Jimmy being the older, clever & industrious one came up with a simple solution… they would tie their wee wees before bed and vooooiiiiilaaaaaa problem solved! 

Hump took it seriously and really tied his ‘uncut’ wee wee enthusiastically and off to bed they went. Come morning they had achieved their objective, both beds were dry. However for Hump he faced another issue. His niniioo was swollen to the maximum and he couldn’t untie the knot. His wails caught attention of their aunt who after accessing the situation came brandishing a sharp knife….. by some luck Hump made it through (uncircumcised) and has chosen (selectively) to forget the happenings of that day! He will never talk about it!

Another time, after morning classes since they were still in lower primary & didn’t go to school in the afternoon, Jimmy coerced his cousin to go for Mountain ‘slides’ instead of doing the customary cattle herding.  

Mountain sliding for those clueless involved using broken pieces of plastics Basin or jerrycans as gliders down a hill. These rides most of the time ended onto a river or a nearby tree or if lucky enough a shrub. At the end of the day, the School Khaki short really took a beating and two gaping holes will be seen greeting the world from the rear…. 

Grandma was never amused after such ordeal & sight, and at the verge of a heart attack since her cattle didn’t have enough fonder, ordered the two boys to go for a bath. As per kawa they just washed the usual places….. Arms & legs since it was a weekday…. Grand Ma threatened a thourogh beating but Jimmy ofcourse being hard-headed refused to have a full body bath (it was a weekday for heavens sake and full body bath was reserved ONLY for sundays!). 

Grand ma ordered food (yellow maize Ugali & milk) not to be served to the boys til they had a FULL BODY SHOWER since they resembled squirrels!

and Jimmy ran away from home….. at tender age of 7, his cousin at his heels! All because they could’t fathom a full body bath on a weekday!

To be continued…..

AOB:

I want to open a pub.

I’ll be the greatest customer….and I hope to Lure Kirima, Archer, Milo, Modo, Mwas, Kafai & Halfs to the joint…. The Eight of us will guarantee great returns!

I want to name it ‘CHRIST IS THE WAY BAR & KUKU place‘….. do you think that name is too long?

PS: 

and finally In the spirit of eastafricanism,,,,,,,,,,, hope this will be of some help to someone…. Dude, dont suffer in silence!

My CSR here is done! Just add +256 to that number.

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Comments
  1. 3TOC says:

    You need help.

    Does Jimmy still have a full body wash just on the weekends?

    Borderline Metrosexual…

    Will that bar be anywhere near the “if not, why not” bar?

    hmmmm

  2. Seasons says:

    Am trying to connect Jimmy of today with the hillside sliding no bath boy in Meru.

    He’s really transformed!

    The title of the bar will be considered blasphemous by bible thumpers.

    So i have been told!

  3. Mocha! says:

    LMAO….why does that story have SPLOOOOSH written all over it.

    As for the bar name….too long!

    And as for your new found occupation……***speechless**** or is that why you were after those restraining gadgets?

    Eish when did it become my ‘occupation’? Thats for anaa research… bado nangoja

  4. super says:

    allergic to baths…hahahaa…… but happy happy to play in the rain…wooooooooop wooooooop!!

  5. 31337 says:

    hilarious stuff…i await more…

    now about that goed, that is not english, rephrase said sentence and use WENT.

    WENT it is!

  6. Gish says:

    Rexona LOL .
    That bar name will surely land you in trouble for sure forget everyone else more like you relas “itu ka okwetha kirumi, ugachetha na mantu ja murungu”. By the way doe that mean bloggers can run a tab in your new joint? pretty please?

    nkuiigua mwari wetu….. Yes bloggers can run that tab….lakini sio tub….!

  7. prou says:

    Swali .Are you using humphrey’s method to enlarge those parts?
    A good name for a bar is at most two syllables.

  8. Kirima says:

    Call the bar Rexona’s

    Kuwa serious!

  9. archer says:

    “…her cattle didn’t have enough FONDER…” <—— nini hii? LOL!!

    My excuse is I wasent Sober & spell checker said its a valid word! LOL

    The bar…good idea (if you’re serious about it) and between the above named individuals you stand to make good cash. But si HnH should be counted as watu wawili coz there’s Half, and Half? Lakini that name will attract random street preachers. Wacha I think up a name. I second Gish, booze on credit for bloggers!

    @Kirima: Rexonas???

    He’s on a roll

  10. Kafai says:

    yes, yes, open bar.
    I miss those slides, ours used to end at the foot of a massive banana plant.

    And? I feel you left something out….LOL

  11. Seasons says:

    LOL at Archer..I had not seen the Fonder
    Ok now Xs and Gish have confirmed their Meru heritage…or should I say Eritange

    Haiya pia wewe? Majameni cant a meru man ngoa anymore? LOL

  12. super says:

    EPISODE or WEBISODE something?

  13. archer says:

    @Seasons: they call themselves “Amerucans!”

    Ala!?? Kiwaru nini? LOL

  14. Seasons says:

    @Archer….Oh? Is that what it meant..I thought it was a typo? LOOOL

    typo typo typo

  15. super says:

    does jimmy recall rex22???

  16. nzembi says:

    Hehehe. . I got to Fonder and was too tickled to continue.! But now am done. Lol!
    Bar name>> too long but very nice (controversial) 🙂

  17. savvy08 says:

    Hillarious right from the start…..do you still take a full body shower only on Sundays? I remember when I was young too..I could wash my head, arms and legs coz it was too cold..

    I think the bar is a good idea, so is the name, we could just shorten it to Christ’s. That way, someone can think you are going to a gathering when you casually say: “I passing by Christ’s on the way home”

    Christ’s! Me likes

  18. ---Supreme-G.R.E.A.M--- says:

    I hadnt noticed FONDER till Archer pointed it out . So you guyz used to hump(rey)the goats, the cows, despite the many kittens!

    We used to have a shower only on Sundays or Saturday evening when visiting grandma too. We would wash only around the eyes the nose and mouth leaving a very pararad area near the hairline. Over those holidays, our shins would crack for lack of vaseline, making them look like a mathematics exercise book.

    Kindly get a professional barman for me to be enticed .

    LOL – naona Jimmy wasn’t solo! Mlikuwa wengi

  19. Im starting to get the feeling this jimmy might be your alter ego!!! no one can tell a story that well unless…..

    Lets say we are close….and we grew up together…

    our hill was in school which meant dakr brown socks at assembly having been at it from 6:30am when we got to school! thanks for bringing back that memory!

  20. Maua says:

    REXONAS KUKU BAR could do, but customers might run away if Jimmy is a pararad regular.

    Jimmy pulled up his act kitambo! yeye huenda mpaka Manicure & pedicure! LOL

  21. 3N says:

    was worth the wait. nostalgia I tell you….slides, grandma threats etc. there is a kid in primo who did the same tie wee wee and the results was an outburst beyond his control.

    LOOOOOOOOOL ati outburst? eish

    bar names:

    Holy Water Bar
    BarNun
    Deacon’s
    Thirsty’s

    i have more names

  22. Kirima says:

    For real there is a bar somewhere in Matuu called Rexona’s so I,m not kidding.
    I am sending you another picture of a bar title I saw somehere.

  23. boyfulan¿ says:

    tuite ukiifungua…..free mue-njoyoz!

  24. wambui jr says:

    LOOOLLL at the story and the picture

  25. super says:

    am cleansing ma heart and liver with pure ruaraka water, are u?

  26. Maya says:

    LOL….first time here and I need some resuscitation-very funny.

    You write well(except for afew fonders here and there), good story teller and great sense of humour!

    Let me now enjoy the ride:)

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