lucked out

Posted: November 14, 2008 in Random, ulevi

The plan was to have only 2 beers and then I head home. As always 2 became 14…. ok not really but i lost count at bottle no. 11…

I made it home (somehow), and that where my troubles started (again thats not true). It was about 6 am in the morning. I knocked the door to my house for a good half an hour before i realised that no one was coming to open it.

How did i figure that out?

Well, the house was empty! It seemed my wife had moved and forgot to give me a memo about that small fact.

I sat out there in the cold as the memories (of my life) flew by.

I remembered the despearate days when i lived in nakuru in utter desolate until she rescued me. She took me under her wing, moved me to the city and hooked me up with my first job. She was an angel. She took care of all the bills as she earned more than i did. I got really comfortable as i learned the ways of nairobians and i even got many friends (some with benefits) who me taught how to enjoy life.

By the time our daughter was born, i was rarely seen at home. I had no clue who my next door neighbours were, pathetic really.

All women seem to crave for attention (LOL). I wasn’t good at it and I didn’t want my wife to get it somewhere else. I forbid her to wear any provocative dresses. A nun outfit would have been fine. But alas, she is hard headed (kichwa ngumu), she would wear the most sexy outfit and to make matter worse, also started going out with ‘her’ friends. One Saturday night I got home before her, next day I bought and changed our house padlock. In the evening I found it laying on the table. Point to note – refrain from buying cheap Chinese merchandise – so easy to be broken into – by a woman at that (Sorry).

The other month was her Birthday (I think). I didn’t wish her a happy one, I didn’t buy any gift nor did I call to find out where she was the party was @ aka  ‘henging’ … I only found out about it later from a workmate….. ati where was I? Damn.

Now as I sit here in the cold, I wonder, what should I do?

Will my clande take me in?


  1. bankelele says:

    is this for real? very sorry, you have to find her, apologze and and eat humble pie to make amends. Chances are she’ll have a change of heart in a few days.

  2. Gish says:

    put the bottle down and step away form the UG oh and the Chivas too.
    Seriously, you dont know what you got till its gone.

  3. Miss Cheri says:

    Gish, UG isn’t so only becomes bad when u “punch” it with sime JD and Johnnie Walker.

    XS, is this a true story? If so, fight until u have it right back where u want it. Listen to Bankelele.

  4. nzembi says:

    For real?

  5. Rafiki says:

    I hope this is pulp fiction.

  6. 31337 says:

    things are elepant.

    i highly doubt she will, you made your bed, now sleep in it, or outside, as the case may be. 🙂

  7. Half n Half says:

    LOOOL… am laughing couz me thinks this is the makings of a very good novel! Fiction
    Now give me the UG already si nimeshinda

  8. 3TOC says:

    You guys are actually taking XS seriously? For real? You and not him need you heads checked.

    Errrrrrrrrrrr XS this had better be filed under fiction otherwise even me I am beating you up, for her and her.

    Next post. hehehehehehehehe Before FG gets here and starts praying and crying EVEN.

  9. 3N says:

    LOL @ #3TOC, kwani farmgal crys and prays all the time.

    good fiction story Xs, I am certain you and wifey are having a splending laugh at the comments.


  10. archer says:

    I dunno who needs prayers here, the author or the readers. I shall pray for you all. Xs, pass the waragi!

  11. Mrs now Ex says:

    And now u do this!!! Please stop trying to sanctify yourself coz i aint coming back. What happened to 20-80? Move on mister!

  12. 3TOC says:

    Mrs. XS you got jokes too. But just for this BAD story slap XS up the side of his head(that is if his head has sides)

  13. 3TOC says:

    Before long offspring XS will be leaving comments too.

  14. ---Supreme-G.R.E.A.M--- says:

    Is this metaphorical?

  15. super says:

    buy flowers and u are IN

  16. pinkmemoirs says:

    Someone’s messing with our heads…

  17. Hoping this is not a real story however if it is, dont bother. it takes a lot for a woman to actually leave.and clearly she reached the end of her tether(pun intended) explore the clande option.
    @super:-the flowers they wilt and die!

  18. wanja says:

    Are you sure you are knocking on the correct door? you might still be in the “Chivas Zone” i.e “blackout-walking”……Wake up Xs Wake up [someone please pass a bucket of cold water]

  19. loco says:

    Now am confused! Am I supposed to be be feeling sorry for poor XS in the doghouse (Literally!) or applauding his brilliant fiction….. hmm, compromise…. I feel sorry for the fictional Xs in the doghouse……

  20. Carol says:

    If you want,call yourself* alcoholic.But on the lighter side,say the ratio of alcohol to water in your blood is quite alarming,not really to you but to Mrs. Xs and the doctors if and when they get to the scene.

  21. super says:

    deflower her

  22. farmgal says:

    You sure can tell a story…lakini your Mrs is hot…
    Alafu 3toc ati I pray and cry….! Obviously I need to pray cos I believe the getting home at 6am…
    Hi Mrs Xs

  23. ativans says:

    Is this for real? 6AM for a married man… at a loss of words…

  24. super says:

    Little MARK goes to school, and the teacher says, ‘Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?’

    MARK says ‘M@s-tur-b@te.’

    Miss Rogers smiles and says, ‘Wow, little MARK, that’s a mouthful.’

    Little MARK says, ‘No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a bl@wjob.’

  25. super says:

    whozy hauz……hauz hooozy…hooozy hoozy haaaaaus

  26. savvy08 says:

    Is this for real? I sincerely hope not…

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