Contraceptives for Men?

Posted: June 2, 2009 in Fiction, Jimmy, wikendi

The weekend went down well, the after effects are still being felt today…..

I was with Jimmy and though we were downing our favourite dwink (read Tusker) accompanied with some juicy goat ribs choma, I could see something was amiss. He wasn’t all macho as usual.

I enquired what was bothering him.

Without hesitating he says “It’s probably the male contraceptive pills that I have been taking that are causing all this!”

I almost choked!

He continues ‘’you see, these hormones seem like they are controlling my moods just like they do with our women folk!’’

Now this is getting Interesting. I ask him if he’s pulling my leg or what! I have never heard of Male ‘pills’!

He Says ”Xs, I thought you of all people should be knowing this! Yeah there is a pill that has been introduced to assist men shoot blanks as opposed to live ammunition’’

I LOL. No I didn’t Know!

He continues with his Narration “there is even an injection which I hear is more effective!”

So I ask him what motivated him to start taking these pills.

He takes a Swig at his beer and casually answers me. ‘’I started taking these pills after my Bulungo complained of coming in contact with more rubber than all the roads of Nairobi!”

I was ROTFLMAO! My ribs are still hurting!

He continues “I have decided to at least ‘naturalize’ the home games – without the risk of becoming a father…. And reduce the ‘away’ games to a ‘must do only’ with rubber of course” I nod as now I start seeing his Logic

I ask him though, “How does you optimize the away games to ‘must do’? What absolute criteria do you use to develop the ‘must dos’ from the merely ‘nice to do’? He laughs at my Question which he ignores & continues with his Narration

”Remember that party I was at on Friday? I saw this very nice chick, I couldn’t hold myself! Problem is, she was with her boyfriend and I still could not hold myself!’’

“What about the boyfriend? “ I ask

“What about him? You see I had taken my usual dose of Tusker & unaccountable number of Tequila so I approached her…..she was too attractive, so I just had to pour my heart out to her…. Ofcourse I only approached when the dude has gone for a bathroom break …..Xs, this is what I define as a ‘must do basis’’’!

He continues, “When the boyfriend came back, he found me entertaining his Gal, she was laughing like she’s hasn’t laughed in so many years! By this time I had even gotten a little bit cozy with her, my hands – which sometimes embarrass me – , were already on her waist and were stretching towards the hips!”

“The Boyfriend appeared and I quickly retracted my hands from their exploration! Then he disappeared again after awhile… I zeroed in on the lady again”

I say, “Jimmy these stunts will get you killed one day”

“Am still here aint I?” He answers and continues, the roast goat ribs now forgotten! “The lady at first seemed uncomfortable, but after a few drinks she seemed at ease. We spent about 2hrs chatting away and dancing not a care as to the whereabouts of the boyfriend! Ok I was worried if he had gone in search of a gun…”

And just like that, he changed the subject!

“Xs, Tell me, have you wondered why there are so many girls being born nowadays?”

I shake my head! “Nope”

“That’s because majority of men nowadays are a weak in bed, soft spoken, patient, use lip gloss, and ejaculate after 5 minutes or so….”

“So in other words you are saying all metro sexual men out there will beget girls? So how do you ensure you get a son..?” I ask

Before he could answer, his Gal friend enters and I was left hanging kwa mataa just like that! Knowing Jimmy, he will never finish this Story!

Something is wrong with this dude! For real

  1. Kirima says:

    For Real! ROTFLMAO!

  2. 3TOC says:

    Jimmy is in big trouble and may need healing for whatever else he may pick up along the way.

    Yaani this is what hangovers do to people! LOL.
    Fact or fiction? Yes,I have mob questions!

  3. sibbie says:

    LOLest! Jimmy can’t be helped. Hehehe

  4. bryjoe says:

    still listening to those voices in your head?

  5. willpress says:

    Buhahahahahahahahahahahahaha! My goodness. . .don’t even know where to start! Cant imagine myself taking a “morning before” pill. Crazy! Interesting theory on why we getting more girl childs. Haha nimecheka leo!

  6. 3N says:

    Funniest shit I have read in a long time…prayers are in order.

  7. bomseh says:

    Ati ‘morning before’ pills? This is new.

  8. Gish says:

    A new step in equality, the jab LMAO.Hail Jimmy

  9. boyfulani. says:

    Hehe Jimmy.
    I hope my brother Jimmy grows not to be like this Jimmy.
    Funny shit man!
    vi- xcess.

  10. bankelele says:

    too funny your pal

  11. wambui jr says:

    oh man, that is too funny. It’s certainly nice to be back on the blogosphere,I missed stories like this. lolll.

  12. Our Kid says:

    Wah! Jimmy. Dead man walking.

  13. Bryo says:

    Haha… ‘… worried if he had gone in search of a gun’. Jimmy ni mwenyewe.

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